Throwback: The Choices That Dare to Cross My Path Will Be Taken Out and Shot


Written on February 15, 2009. 

Ah, life is bliss. Sort of. But with new hopes rising on the horizon, you can bet that I'm gonna be the last person to give it all up. But the road ahead... Oh, man. That road. Sticks and stones would be more than welcome... but this? I mean, I'm actually having to rely on my own ability to save myself from a pit into which someone else pushed me! I mean, I have to study, to get good marks... Oh, woe is me!
[Was this written yesterday?]

Well, apart from that, all's well in God's own Country. Or as I like to think of it, God's Own Forsaken Male Chauvinistic Pigsty. And you got to agree that it is a terrible pain if a girl can't go for a f***** movie without having to rely on a whole bodyguard consisting of her father, elder brother, paternal and maternal uncles and an army of cousins. Plus the baby brother to accompany her if she wants to say, buy popcorn, or pee.

'Cause, you see, I'm kinda used to the looks I attract when I casually let slip: "Um, yeah, I was just in town today. Went online and stuff... Is there a problem?" And people go: "Alone?" with a delicate stress on that single word. Yes, my good sirs and concerned ladies, I went ALONE!!!

Another of the things u need to get used to is the fact that all, and I mean, ALL of the really *hot* guys around here can be classified into the category of Neanderthal Numbskulls.
[There's a term that could use some revival.]

I mean, let's take a few examples. You give a guy a Valentine's day card (handmade), and he likes it. So what does he do? He commends you on being a good drawer. Get it? As in, *draw*er. UH HUH!!! OKay, honey, if you're reading this, no offence, aite??? I love u, that's probably why.

Lol. I am so WEIRD.

Now... lessee... World Emancipation Day has been set for the 2nd of April, 2009. And with any luck, the only way I'll be on the return flight IX 434 (Dubai-Kochi) (7th May 2009) is if I've been tranquilized, and bound by a heavy coil of thick rope, and dragged up into the plane. Or packaged into the cargo hold in a big cage. With a warning. BEWARE: EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED AND FRUSTRATED HUMAN FEMALE. AGE: 16 HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE. HANDLE WITH CARE.

Me and the other dogs in the hold would have a field day, barking and howling at each other.

As my good friend Steffy recently remarked in keeping with her typically insensitive and frank nature: Why the hell didn't you just freaking behave yourself in the first place?
Why??? Oh why???

So many questions, but where the hell are the answers? The next you know, I'll be trekking high up in the Himalayas, having sold my nonexistent Ferrari, braving all odds in my single minded determination to find the legendary Saints of Sivana or whatever and give them a good piece of my mind. I mean, has anyone read The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari? Those idiots in their huts of roses don't know that in the *real* world, roses are highly expensive. How the hell are you supposed to practice the Heart of the Rose technique with a single fresh rose every single day?
[Critiquing rubbish books before I even understood the concept of critiquing. This is hilarious.]

It's generally hard to figure out whether or not your companion is having fun. But if they're sitting on the stool next to you and dozing away, I think u can pretty much take it for granted that they're not. And as my long suffering little sister shows the symptoms of foregoing her afternoon nap, I think it's time I say goodbye. Back to the Mausoleum for another month and a half... Alas, emancipation, wilt thou not hurry my way?

A toast to the world's cutest Neanderthal Numbskull... [Ugh.] and to Butterscotch ice cream. To dozing sisters and to my appointment with IX 435 on the 2nd of April... 2009. With lots of love...

[The Neanderthal Numbskull in this story had his birthday coincide with Valentine's Day, so I could give him a card under the pretext of wishing him. Perhaps the moral of the story is to avoid people born in February altogether?]

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