Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Written September 24, 2010 Once upon a time...  (no, not in Mumbai)  the hands of uncertainty marched sternly around the face of time. Nowadays (yes, in Bangalore), it's  tiny black digits  that keep changing inexorably on the green face of my watch. Keeping time to an uncertainty that began its dance three journeys before. Journeying along the same dark road, where long, long ago (no, not in a far, far away land) this tale of insanity began to unfold. The rain strikes my face, dealing blows to my ego I would have thought impossible a few months ago. I wonder to myself, and to the cold wind that bites through the wet clothes and down to my skin. I wonder whether leniency may not be my worst concern. I wonder whether or not I'm being untrue to the ideals I set for myself along the way. It's hard to let go of those things I treasure, because that's the way I see myself. Too bad the rest of the world doesn't agree with my opinion. But who am I kidding?...

Written December 19, 2010 A wind blows in from somewhere Fanning the tongues of an old flame Something stirs under the woodwork And I turn to look out the window The night seems to alight upon my window sill The thinnest strip of wind rushes through my hair Through this crack in the window Through this crack left open in my heart I wish I had the courage to get up From my vantage point on the couch This breath of air annoys me I must either open it to the fullest Or close it forever more The silence reigns supreme And my fingers against the keys pay obseiance As I gaze into the darkness That rushes past me I think of another pair of sleepless eyes Gazing back out at me

Written September 7, 2010 A dark series of squiggles make their way down and across the page, in that order. Cheap poetry and lame jokes are the order of the day. For once the silence has retreated and is content to watch from the top row of the bleachers. For once there's no raining on the court while the ball's in play. There's a rose that lies at the back of my locker, wilted and fading away. It's a rose I don't expect to see in bloom again. It's a rose I've put aside, but one I cannot bear to throw away. Perhaps I should consign it to the bonfire I've made in my backyard, out of all the relics from the past. Perhaps keeping it in my locker is dangerous, for it might bloom again. Roses such as this one have been known to bloom more beautiful than before, long long after they withered away into nothing more than thin brown sticks and faded and detached petals. And in my excitement, I might just reach out and grab it again, forgetting th...

Written December 19, 2010 Standing on the shore Watching the waves come in  She cuts a fine figure perched on the rock The wind is in her hair The smile is on her lips She looks like she could kiss the world tonight Her arms welcome the night That’s rolling in with the tide Her laugh accompanies the rays of sunlight Fading away into the west I wish I could tell you What she is thinking I bet you would kill to know I wish I could tell you That your journey’s over That the thought curving her lips up Is you

Written August 30, 2010. The more things change, the more they stay the same.  I want to dedicate this post to all my beautiful, smart and loving girlfriends, who definitely deserve much  much  better than the Losers in Tin Foil that they keep running into. I have a feeling that all the Knights in Shining Armour died out during the Medieval Ages. Damn the Crusades!!! Now all we're left with are these egoistic morons who think They Are. (I swear there is no other way to describe their mentality.) They are God's gift to Womanity. They are the answers to our every prayer. They are what we fasted every Monday since we hit puberty for. Just watch out for that patronizing smile that makes your skin curl. That look in his eyes that says,  "Yes, you're  my  girl. I am your God. Aren't you so lucky? I can't wait till school ends today and I get you on your own." [Note: Yes, I have had ALL OF THE ABOVE lines used on me.] This is where I immortalize th...

Written December 12, 2010 Tonight I said goodbye To a dream I saw again Something I once knew A long time ago In another life I could go this distance And yet another one But why then do I find myself Coming back around to this Little town I cherish in my heart I could do a million times Better and the world is mine For the taking so why Does everything feel incomplete Without you around to smile And make me feel so much better Forgive me for not leaving Forgive me for wanting to watch Over you this night And the next and every single Minute of forever Some things I can't help So I will let you hide Somewhere no one can see Someplace to call our own Maybe someday I'll take you there It will be our secret Our hideout, far away from the distance That pulls me into the pain And some nights all I do Is fall asleep in your arms These dreams I say goodbye to Forgive me for turning my back on you The distance calls and I'm succumbing To ...

Written 2008, Published 10/10/10 A stream of light through a window of glass Took my mind flashing back Breaking all barriers of the fourth dimension Rushing back to memories where- Streams of light through glass windows Fell upon white desks; a blackboard Glinting off black braids and ponytails Reflecting merry smiles and gales of laughter Mingling blank faces and looks of wisdom The serenity of Enlightenment A drone on the podium, the monotony Then broken by the welcome bell... The familiar sounds of recess Waking many from a trance From a futile attempt to fight of the oncoming stupor Still others, adrenaline pumping, as the Hawk Eye of the teacher turned In all its wrath; upon form after motionless, breathless form Lost books and homework not done, the occasional serious misdeed... A collage of emotions and actions, faces and names Pranks and punishment, all rolled into one Sailing on the Wind-- that transcender of Time... From that so very distant past, now lingering As memori...

August 2, 2010 Close your eyes, and feel the wind on your face. The chill in the air, the way your bare toes are getting cramped on the cold stage. But there's no time to think of that... coz the music is on, and it's time to blast your way through the night. Open your eyes and smile, at the smile above a white shirt, below crinkly eyes. Dance to remember... and then dance to forget. The scene shifts and remains the same. Your dress is different, though of the same colour. A colourful scarf can sometimes make all the difference. The music blares, and remains the same. You're watching a crinkly smile from across the quad, and there's a little something burning up within you. Perhaps it's just the rum. Or perhaps it's the countless unmentionable words that suggest themselves to you. Perhaps its the sight of two people dancing, something you only saw because you were looking for it. It doesn't really matter, because there are other lines to ...

Written October 10, 2010 The little room; its darkness overstifling The sounds of night creeping in through the open window The messengers of nature swooping through the air Towards the lone sources of light… flickering in the gloom Those silly creatures singlemindedly racing Towards their perceived rays of hope Zooming in; tiny hearts full… with all the promise of a new life They fly through the flame… antics remnant Of some eastern Fire Walker What false belief lead them to believe in their imperviousness to the heat? Fairy wings dissolved by the fury of the flame In the throes of death… spindly feet in spasms One that lately moved like the breath of the wind Trapped in useless struggles to live The hour is out… and light returns The deceitful flame is put out Relief accompanies the lightness flooding the house Showing up the colours on the wall… and familiar faces But far too late it is for a tiny form Lying crumpled by the foot of the stand A pinprick in a sea of lives… here one...

Photo by  小胖 车  on  Unsplash I fly on angel white wings Past clouds of tears That rain down their sorrows Down upon you I swoop down over The drowsy city Dipping lower past garden walls Where ivy climbs And feels at home I slip between your curtains And stand guard by your head I watch the moonbeams Kiss your hair And spread across your bed So many times I wasn't here For this night long vigil All those years when  I rode to war Avenging the poor And protecting the land I missed your love I failed your pain But in my heart I carried a flame Knowing that The day would come When trumpets welcomed me Back to your home I did not know About the vials Of crystal clear glass That lined your sill I did not know How they seemed to increase Carrying the pain Of your love for me No little birdie Came to find me As I practiced My strokes on the snow No little mole s...

Photo by  Matt Duncan  on  Unsplash The paths we tread  Are many, my son Tread with care Lest your feet wear out I hold your hand And hold you back Lest you should see What you must not A thousand miles My path takes me A thousand things I laugh to scorn And yet your face Shines in my dreams And all my waking Hours of regret The dirt on my fingers Cannot be washed away By a simple kiss From a You Who Care But I'll bear in mind When I come back for you Just to see you smile And accept my apology Written on August 29, 2010

My horse jumps Yet another stile Hooves spraying surf Right into my dreams Tonight So much outside Doesn't seem to touch Me/ though I watch This and a million other  Movies in dream-time Places I knew Just months ago Have lived on Behind my eyes A world or two Captured in memory Growing now Of their own accord I watch the sleep Of a million others And wonder where My pen doth stray My world revolves Despite the line And yet I know I can't leave The Past alone Written on August 29, 2010

Photo by  Luke Stackpoole  on  Unsplash Why is it That there's something In the air That I can't quite put my finger on Why is it That my lips clench Over whatever thought Is rattling the bars of my mind Tonight/ Desperate, wanting out Why is it that I have to smile Why is it that I can't say no Why is it that I couldn't remember And why is it that the memories come Rushing back tonight? Why is it that Some things are just Too crazy to be believable Too crazy to be true But just the right kind of crazy To have happened And forgotten - Written on August 4, 2010

The rain grabs my calves They spasm in pain It's a cold night that bares Wishes buried I try and laugh it off But for the snarl Which I try to muffle To get it lost in the rain A queer kind of thudding Someone's asking to go out Whining at my doorstep/ scratching Like a dog on a scent I can't say no to the puppy within The poor beaten thing I hear him howling into the wind In the nights when tears spring into my eyes The silence isn't answer enough But I let him out anyway Pity strives to stay my hand But this lesson isn't mine to be learnt. Written on July 11, 2010.

This was my first blogpost ever - way back in 2008. That blog is no longer public, but I figure I can transport some of those posts on to here. Note: It's been edited for terrible  sentence structure and internet lingo. That was a bad phase. We've all been there. And  I've added little notes from my present day reading of it, which leaves me in splits - those edits are in red. Hmm.. Look who's just jumped on the blogging bandwagon! Blogs have always been someplace for me to kill other people with my tales of sorrow and misery and whatnot.. [Dramatic, wasn't I?] Anyway, considering my addiction to writing n journals, let's just say I'm not too surprised. First off, I'm not exactly in the happiest of moods after my 10th board FIASCO. There aren't many other words that can describe it so well. [I can think of a.. No, actually, that describes it pretty well.] I mean, come on. After 10 whole years of prep, when almost everyone on earth gets bett...

Photo by  Danielle Dolson  on  Unsplash Running through the wind With nowhere else to go Raindrops on my face I leave my laugh behind As I cower under my bag And I'm running through the wind With no one else beside me My thoughts are on rewind My eyes linger on your smile I wonder what you meant And I wish it was the start Of a whole new story Yes I'm sick of the prelude And epilogues are so out So maybe you and I Should stick to just the middle - Written on July 10, 2010.

Photo by  luizclas  from  Pexels I dare myself To open this door / to smile At the girl in the mirror In the room beyond I've heard this tune before At night outside my window Always just beyond my reach Cupid's sprite haunts me again Teasing me in the breeze That blows my hair back The silence is chilling There's no way to know Mistakes I'm done with The madness was gone But it's knocking at the back gate Out there in the garden I pause to think Dare I let it in again? - Written July 9, 2010 (Now available as part of my published eBook here .)

Photo by  Priscilla Du Preez  on  Unsplash Getting Started (Femme Fatale) Baskin Robbins For President Summer of '69 Searcheth the Key Christmas Come Early Tale of a Broken Heart Hostel California Freecell King Sweet Summer Child: A Love Letter Between Ahab and the Whale This Last Strand Where Angels Fear to Tread Lady of the Land that isn't Really There The Choices That Dare to Cross My Path Will Be Taken Out and Shot The Bitter Taste of Freedom Salvation A New Year Poem 14 Years Together - The Beginning of the End Confessions of a Bored Website Hit(Wo)Man Beat the IIT Boy Awards Ceremony 2010 Waiting For the Roof to Fall In, Or For Me To Fall Off Lightning Dome Cuckolds: A Tale of Two Parties I'm From 'Nam Three Days Into Adulthood Sleepy Zonk - One Half-Firang Politician Stewed and Nettled Sierra's Fifth Circle of Hell - Citations  Alice Didn't Think There'd Be Midterms in Wonderland  Imaginarium That Elusive Frog W...