Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Upon my oath, I am not a violent man. - Sergeant Jackrum, The Monstrous Regiment

Photo by  Drew Hays  on  Unsplash I remember the first time I saw him. I was fifteen. He was dancing, teaching the steps, and his every move was poetry in motion.  I wanted to impress him, wanted to show him I could dance too. And even though the steps were simple and repetitive, it was soon clear to everyone that I was a great dancer.  I wanted to spend every moment staring at him, drinking in his absolutely perfect features. He was so handsome, like the princes you dream about when watching Disney movies, but never actually meet in real life.  He was charming, he was friendly, he popped his collars and wore wraparound shades. There was just one problem - he was nine years older.  I've often said that the only older guy worth dating is the one that isn't interested in you. And he was one of those guys. And much happened in those months that we spent together that convinced me that he might actually like me the way I liked him....

Photo by  Alice Alinari  on  Unsplash Nymeria was lithe of figure and enigmatic. Enigmatic to me, despite how hard I tried to understand her. Perhaps she did not seem that way to anyone else - perhaps they did not attempt to understand her the way I did. It has often seemed to me that the people in that place were content to stick labels on their fellows and leave it at that. There was little introspection, and no one wondered whether they'd made the right assessment.  Perhaps nobody cared enough to do that for anyone else. Perhaps it wasn't right to care. I do not know. As the years pass, my understanding of that place diminishes rather than grows, and I too become content to stick labels and forget all about it. Nymeria was light to me in a dark place. I loved her - I know that now. Perhaps I grew jealous - of her female friends, certainly. Male friends she had few.  The Nymeria I saw was strong, even headstrong. She thought deeply, she liked...

Photo by  Nathan Dumlao  on  Unsplash An old classmate messaged me the minute I sent her a friend request, and that was pretty unusual. Perhaps it shouldn't be, but it was. I came across her profile when a bunch of pictures were uploaded, featuring other old classmates who are on my friend list, and who were celebrating the engagement of an old classmate. I wasn't particularly surprised by the engagement (also unusual), but this was because I'd been told about it in advance.  And then I wondered who this D.M. was, who had uploaded the pictures. I certainly did not know any D.M. The profile picture wasn't clear, but as I went through the pictures and noted that D.S. was in them, the dreadful truth began to dawn on me. I went to her profile to see whether my suspicions were true, and realized I wasn't even friends with her on Facebook. I sent her a request that she immediately accepted, and thus we come full circle to how I came to be speaking to her....