Navigating Solutions and Darkness

I remember when I would hunger for connection, lost in a sea of signals and codes I couldn't interpret, mistakenly taking words at face value that were never meant to be given a second thought. 

A while ago I made an alt purely for talking openly about heartbreak and love.  

Written December 12, 2010 Tonight I said goodbye To a dream I saw again Something I once knew A long time ago In another life I could go this distance And yet another one But why then do I find myself Coming back around to this Little town I cherish in my heart I could do a million times Better and the world is mine For the taking so why Does everything feel incomplete Without you around to smile And make me feel so much better Forgive me for not leaving Forgive me for wanting to watch Over you this night And the next and every single Minute of forever Some things I can't help So I will let you hide Somewhere no one can see Someplace to call our own Maybe someday I'll take you there It will be our secret Our hideout, far away from the distance That pulls me into the pain And some nights all I do Is fall asleep in your arms These dreams I say goodbye to Forgive me for turning my back on you The distance calls and I'm succumbing To ...

Soon this will feel like a distant dream.  Until then, may you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber. -  Elise,  Westworld The first Taylor Swift song I ever heard was when I was in 11th grade -  I'm Only Me When I'm With You. The song didn't mean much, except for having a lovely tune. It was only after I came to college that I truly discovered Taylor Swift. Friday night beneath the stars In a field behind your yard  You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky - I'm only Me When I'm With You, Taylor Swift I have a lot of problems with the singer herself - her yo-yoing on feminism, the appropriation of other identities in her songs... But her songs are often exactly what you need.  The Way I Loved You was a ranty favourite - this one must have seen hundreds of repeat. When you seem to slip through the same kinds of situations over and over again, songs like this tend to come back into relevance. I'm not a fan of the gender normative...

Written September 11, 2010. Yesterday As I set off Back down the path That leads to sleep And comfy pillows I was tempted To turn around Look back, maybe For it was well past The witching hour Who knows What I might have found Who knows What expression I might have caught On your face, offguard Was it merely the dream Of the late hour The magic that hung Deliberate, in the air Has made me hungry again Hungry for Hope Something that makes me want To reopen the wound So recently healed I'm more sensible Than witching hours and magic This I'll have you know That's why I headed straight down That road that lead To sleep and comfy pillows

Written September 7, 2010 Tapping into reserves Of emotion yet unleashed My pen sets out On its solitary tale The laughter in the wings The screams from last night Resound in my head As I stare into The unforgiving glare S ome things  lurk in the shadow O thers  prowl the daylight hours But if my dreams Are anything to go by I'd rather walk the shadows  by myself Than turn around And face the heat So I'm dancing by myself Swaying with the crowd Wishing for the hands That should come and hold me close I'm walking down This road again As my shadow holds my hand Tonight I wish On a wishing star And try to hide the pain Some things can't be hurried There's no point to running But the tiny ray of Hope That keeps me going Shines like the star In the Northern Quarter In a velvet sky From long ago And every time I round a corner I remind myself to smile For who knows but t...