Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Upon my oath, I am not a violent man. - Sergeant Jackrum, The Monstrous Regiment

In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”. -  Judith Lewis Herman,  Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

To know that someone has suffered should be enough to move us to take action. The only solution is for people to start treating empathy as an essential part of our makeup, rather than an optional and quirky personality trait.

സ്കൂളിൽ വച്ച് ആൺകുട്ടികളെയും പെൺകുട്ടികളെയും ഒരുമിച്ച് ഇരിക്കാൻ സമ്മതിച്ചില്ല. ഇതാണ് ബോയ്സ് ന്‌ ഗേൾസ് നോട് empathy ഇല്ലായ്മ വരാൻ കാരണമത്രേ

The threat of further violence - the threat of death as a punishment - is very clearly an effective deterrent when it comes to women reporting rape as a crime in India.

Title:  The Autobiography of a Sex Worker  Author:  Nalini Jameela Year of Publication:  2005 Series:  NA Series #:  NA Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  3.19 Goodreads Rating (Mine):  5 Synopsis:  An autobiographical work by a sex worker and activist from Thrissur, Kerala. I read the revised edition translated into English (it would have taken me forever and a giant dictionary to read it in the original Malayalam.) Autobiography of a Sex Worker  is in one word, mind blowing. The author’s narrative voice is strong and dispersed with wry humour. She comes across as well aware that her matter-of-fact narrative holds up an uncomfortable mirror to society. It’s hard to review such a book. Any recommendation I can give pales in comparison, when the book speaks for itself so assertively. It is revolutionary on countless planes and for numerous reasons, for Kerala boasts an extremely conservative culture. Keralite women from well off, up...

Upholding of patriarchal values requires, as an essential component, that the victims be brainwashed into the system. When met with consistent and simple rejection of their values, coupled with the fact that the people rejecting their values do not depend on them in the least, their world fails around their ears.

Written on April 18, 2016 The weather's beautiful. In Bangalore, as it is in Kerala. The heat wave woes are over, and the monsoon is officially here. I stepped out for a bit today and it was drizzling the whole time.  Awesome.  Too bad I feel like total crap, especially now that I've been caught up on all of my shows. I'm pretty sure there are things I'm supposed to do, but which I've totally forgotten about.  In the mean time,  Agent Carter 's been cancelled,  Castle's  been cancelled - but not  before  they managed to fire their lead actress...  The Originals  just killed off Cami AND Davina, bringing the number of their lead actresses down to a grand total of 1: Haley.  The Vampire Diaries  managed to establish that Damon thinks Christian Grey Syndrome is a sign of true love and also always the right thing to do... so much that he actually now expects other people (read: Stefan) to follow his lead. Way to d...

Blogtober 2018 is turning into Feminist Blogtober 2018. Lol @ *Nudes Give Me A High* Comic Guy,* and thanks to all the women who brought the truth of his actions to light. *Attributed to Twitter user @Alp_enliebe. There's a guy I really want to like. I say really want to like because sometimes I like him, and sometimes the alarm bells in my head blare too loud to be drowned out. When I talk about his latest exploits, people inevitably ask me that cringe inducing question: "Why do you still talk to him?" Some of them, they know why. They know whom he reminds me of, albeit in a diluted fashion. "He gives me insight into the average kind of guy," I tell them. "The kind of guy who isn't bad, bad, but not good, good either." The enablers, y'know? The ones who profit from male privilege without actively hurting people and without doing anything to dismantle the sources of their privilege. "It's rare that I am attracted to anyone," ...

I adore Jessica Jones. The show and the character. In my opinion, it is hands down the best show in the entire Defenders universe. My TV tastes aren't usually shared by those in my immediate social circle - I have only to mention The Vampire Diaries,  for instance, for the eye rolling to start. This is partly because the women I'm friends with have no great interest in the fantasy/ sci-fi genres, and the friends I have that like fantasy/ sci-fi all seem to be men. As a result, men who like sci-fi now are, to me, the most infuriating species of all time. They will happily tick off their favourite shows - Supernatural (no women characters, except for when Jody Mills turns up) and  Stranger Things (aka this one girl is so much powerful than everything else so the ration of roughly 2:1 ratio is totes cool) are common faves. It's supremely rare to find a guy that has even heard of Once Upon A Time , let alone one who counts it among his faves. TVD  and Teen Wolf are scof...

CONTENT WARNING: RAPE, NON-CONSENT - DISCUSSION Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash I recently went through the unfortunate experience of having to sit a grown man down and explain to him why his sexual encounter had been non consensual, and what he should have really paid attention to. He was shocked at the allegation, but also, to my great relief, open to the conversation. He didn't deny it, didn't attempt to shift the blame, apologized profusely, and made it all better. Rape is now yet again at the forefront of our news cycle, and the outrage wave seems to be growing in strength. This time, it's because of a couple of high profile cases in which children were brutalized and murdered. Horrifying, yes. And predictably, everyone* is very vocally anti rape and anti child rape. *Everyone that isn't utterly disgusting by nature, or would like to think they aren't. Be that as it may, I'm yet again reminded of the hypocrisy that once led these outraged to blame t...

Crossposted from Feminist Quill , written on September 24, 2015 Title:  The Handmaid's Tale Author:  Margaret Atwood Year of Publication:  1985 Series:  N/A Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  3.99   Goodreads Rating (Mine): 5 Plot Description: In a dystopic world ravaged by pollution and sexually transmitted diseases, infertility is the second biggest problem faced by what once used to be the United States of America. The biggest problem is the Religious Right, although they probably don't see it that way. Offred, the eponymous protagonist, is a part of one of the Gileadean empire's greatest schemes to combat infertility - that is to say, the imprisonment of women of child bearing age and their subsequent induction into sex slavery as Handmaids. The Handmaids are surrogates to the infertile wives of rich and powerful (and ever fertile) men deemed worthy of this shot at reproduction. This review falls smack dab in the middle of my reviewing o...

Much is discussed about the promise of the girl child, especially in India, where some of us tend to ensure our girls never see the light of day. But WHATABOUT... What about the boy child? The young, sharp, promising looking child that dares to look right at you and speak truth to power? The young man whose talent knows no bounds, who delights you, makes you laugh, stands up straight, his spine unbending? What about the intelligent man, the soft spoken man, the well spoken man? The one who reflects the cosmetic attractiveness of chivalry, without its murky undersides trailing after him? Every time I see such a boy or man these days, my heart sinks. Despite myself, I ask, where's the hitch, where's the catch, show me your flip side. Too many times have I been captivated by the shining beacon of fresh and youthful masculinity only to find that those older women jokesters were right after all. Men are trash,  they say, over and over again. And now I agree, over and over ...

Source: Rawpixel.com Abusive relationships are insidious. No one comes at any sort of relationship thinking, "Well, this is going to be abusive, and I'm going to be okay with that." Instead, it starts out small. Maybe it’s displeasure at something or the other in the early honeymoon days of your relationship. Stuff that makes you think, "Well, I don't really mind giving this up," or, “it’s going to be good for me anyway.” Maybe you find reasons to justify the restriction. So what if you have to inconvenience yourself a little? You're probably in love. Nobody wants to really ruin that by starting a fight. And then it's three years later and you're hyperventilating because you're in the same room. It is very common, when speaking of abusive relationships, to place the onus of change upon the victim. People rarely stop to question the actions of an abusive person, or to take any steps to stop them. Leaving an abusive relatio...

Photo by  Nandhu Kumar  on  Unsplash Saw a goat in the middle of MG Road as I was crossing it. It was a dirty white, casually resting on its hind legs, eating leaves off the vegetation grown on the divider. I saw it and thought to myself, "Somebody's goat is about to become mutton." And the goat heard me, and spoke in its turn. "Why do you assume that every goat must be somebody else's property, human, or end up as their dinner? And while we're at it, if I got myself to the middle of the road, then I have as much chance of getting off it unharmed as you yourself." I marveled at the goat's wisdom. "Well said, goat," I praised it. "Well said indeed." And as befit a creature of its stature, the goat paid me no further heed, but continued goatfully to appropriate the municipality's efforts at beautification to be its own dinner. 

There was a recent story about Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed's pregnancy. A story told by the couple, intended to be humorous, about how Somerhalder threw out Reed's birth control pills because he was so eager to start a family started an internet backlash.  Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder Reed later clarified with regards to the backlash, calling out writers who claimed her pregnancy was non-consensual. Now, clearly Reed's pregnancy was not non-consensual - her husband throwing away pills in front of her would not preclude her from getting more, for example. There is also a difference in how consent plays out with an established couple - couples that know each other well wouldn't require explicit consent from each other the way strangers or new couples would. But it does raise a few red flags.  Nikki Reed stressed on the fact that this was a humorous story about something that had happened between a married couple (the use of the word "mar...

Crossposted from here : written October 23, 2015 Title:  Bad Feminist Author:  Roxane Gay Year of Publication:  2014 Series:  N/A Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  3.88 Goodreads Rating (Mine):  5 Plot Description:  A non fiction book of essays by Roxane Gay about feminism. While I personally loved this book, I also looked at a couple of critical reviews about it, and I might link or mention them in passing while I’m reviewing this one. I first started reading  Bad Feminist  on a friend’s kindle, at random. I had no idea what the topic of the book was. I didn’t even start at the beginning of a chapter. But I was hooked, and I caught hold of the book for myself, and read it cover to cover. It took me a while. Parts of it was overwhelming. I had to take a break in the middle. I now follow Roxane Gay on twitter. Part of the reason why I found this book so compelling was that it spoke to me before I even knew what it was ...

Photo by  freestocks.org  from  Pexels Written on September 9, 2008 Yeah, we've all heard that phrase a million times over. But for the first time in my life I'm wishing it would come true. That Christmas would come early, and I'd go to Dubai early. Teacher's Day has come and gone. Over here, we had this sad-ass, for crying out loud, program that was good by the school standards. Over there... I'm not saying much. The pics and vids of all my friends rockin' it up has left me speechless. Whether with rage, or tears, or joy at their fortune is for you to decide. Anyway, following a nightmarish first term, I've kicked back and I'm enjoying a 10 day hiatus before what promises to be an even nightmarish second term. Ah, the life. I plan to do a hell lot of writing these hols, get my hair cut, call my friends, pierce my ears, and go online every single day. So far, it's working parfaitment. School's great. Well, that would ...

Photo by  Alice Alinari  on  Unsplash Nymeria was lithe of figure and enigmatic. Enigmatic to me, despite how hard I tried to understand her. Perhaps she did not seem that way to anyone else - perhaps they did not attempt to understand her the way I did. It has often seemed to me that the people in that place were content to stick labels on their fellows and leave it at that. There was little introspection, and no one wondered whether they'd made the right assessment.  Perhaps nobody cared enough to do that for anyone else. Perhaps it wasn't right to care. I do not know. As the years pass, my understanding of that place diminishes rather than grows, and I too become content to stick labels and forget all about it. Nymeria was light to me in a dark place. I loved her - I know that now. Perhaps I grew jealous - of her female friends, certainly. Male friends she had few.  The Nymeria I saw was strong, even headstrong. She thought deeply, she liked...