Navigating Solutions and Darkness

CONTENT WARNING: RAPE, NON-CONSENT - DISCUSSION Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash I recently went through the unfortunate experience of having to sit a grown man down and explain to him why his sexual encounter had been non consensual, and what he should have really paid attention to. He was shocked at the allegation, but also, to my great relief, open to the conversation. He didn't deny it, didn't attempt to shift the blame, apologized profusely, and made it all better. Rape is now yet again at the forefront of our news cycle, and the outrage wave seems to be growing in strength. This time, it's because of a couple of high profile cases in which children were brutalized and murdered. Horrifying, yes. And predictably, everyone* is very vocally anti rape and anti child rape. *Everyone that isn't utterly disgusting by nature, or would like to think they aren't. Be that as it may, I'm yet again reminded of the hypocrisy that once led these outraged to blame t...

Photo by  Holly Stratton  on  Unsplash Much has been written about "hook-up culture." Not as much has been written about the various obligations one carries into hook-up culture. The most important of those obligations is that you need to earn the right to be there.  Simply because hook ups do not, as a rule, carry as much emotional obligation as a relationship would doesn't mean you get an all-access pass to the Land of Trivialization. If anything, the lower level of social legitimacy afforded to hook-ups gives you a greater burden to ensure that your actions do not hurt anybody that decides to be optimistic enough to begin such an uncertain type of relationship with you.  If you're in the market for a hook up, then you have no right to disrespect the people you will meet as a result of your efforts. You have no right to look at them as though they are lesser than individuals who go in for the standard relationship. If you have such hang ups, ki...