Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Photo by  Benjamin Behre  on  Unsplash Written December 14, 2010 Sometimes, weird things run wild. Those days, maybe you handle it. Maybe you don't.  There are some thoughts that aren't even said out loud. Not even to your reflection in the mirror. Saying them out loud would mean a loss of sanctity... it would mean exposing them to the differently structured minds of other people.  They won't understand. They never do. And when you do say it out loud, not even your reflection in the mirror is sympathetic.  Yes, it's time to move on. It's time to take this thing I know, and lock it away in a safe somewhere. And then set that safe on an island and set it adrift on an ocean; peaceful and calm as the glassy lake on a warm summer day. This thing I'm locking away involves a deep set belief grounded in pure Soul. It has a streak of white hot Hope on it, a Hope that's dangerous if set free. It's not the paths we traced to get to here that ...

Soon this will feel like a distant dream. Until then, may you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber. - Elise, Westworld Soft as the fabric falls over my skin, I can't help but think this is how it should be - the only way it can be.  Happiness, true happiness, is easily enough captured when you know where to look. And yet a shadow by my side reminds me, forever, that there is more to happiness than simply being happy.  I found my happiness in an ocean of tears, and I was content to drown in it. I found joy in a mirage, laughter in silence, love in the shadow of a grave. I slipped, I fell, I closed my eyes and found what felt true. Hard, cold math comes to my rescue, and I bid it go away. Hie from here, dark fiend, come to burst bubbles and dreams.  Tilt your head back, slip, slip into the spilled wishes. All the how I wishes, flitting from one pool of sunlight to another. How I, How I, How I wish I could fly. How I wish I'd never hurt again. How I w...

Written September 15, 2010 I watch your back Recede into the shadows Of this moonlit night Something breaks within Some resolve made Many moonlit nights ago As a cloud passes over the moon As realization dawns Upon a chilly night sky The music blaring In the backdrop Fades into a muted rhythm And my tears dry Upon my cheeks As I dance through a night Filled with shadow Why do I break the circle Mingling with the shadow Melting silently away The night has left A babe in my arms It yet sleeps As this step I take As I walk to the closet At the back of my mind The babe in my arms stirs And in her sleep, smiles As my closet door\ Swings open for the last time I sing to her a lullaby An apology from the world I tell her how If I let her grow And gave her all my love She would grow stronger And destroy me too How I would have to die I think of the silence At my back door And how I never knew Ho...