Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Took an attachment style quiz and as it turns out, I was looking to relate to the wrong attachment style.

He was sweet, and had the cutest smile in the world. It was unbelievable, the way his smile used to light up my world. I used to think about him a lot, and wonder why he never made a move. Because our eyes always said it all.

They're not your best friend. They're not your partner. An FP is someone you idolize, someone whose validation you crave, and someone without whom it feels as though you cannot exist. It is someone who wields such absolute control over your emotions that the slightest action on their part could send your emotions careening all over the map.

A new year already? I've been hanging out a lot lately with the kind of crowd I normally avoid. Not bad people, but problematic ones all the same. And I let all the terrible things they so casually say wash over me, and wonder how things can ever be different. I suspect the answer somehow involves the phrase "one step at a time". ----------------------- I've been working over the weekend because I dread the idea of being overwhelmed again on Monday. And because it doesn't really seem like work. I'm also taking a first step, and who knew editing and formatting a book of poetry would be so difficult? Who knew even the best of my own poetry was capable of setting my teeth on edge? ----------------------- I sort of broke up with someone this month. Weirdly enough, I sort of broke up with someone last month as well. And the month before that. It's been good practice for therapy, so something came of that. Some break ups more than others, but it is...

Written August 30, 2010. The more things change, the more they stay the same.  I want to dedicate this post to all my beautiful, smart and loving girlfriends, who definitely deserve much  much  better than the Losers in Tin Foil that they keep running into. I have a feeling that all the Knights in Shining Armour died out during the Medieval Ages. Damn the Crusades!!! Now all we're left with are these egoistic morons who think They Are. (I swear there is no other way to describe their mentality.) They are God's gift to Womanity. They are the answers to our every prayer. They are what we fasted every Monday since we hit puberty for. Just watch out for that patronizing smile that makes your skin curl. That look in his eyes that says,  "Yes, you're  my  girl. I am your God. Aren't you so lucky? I can't wait till school ends today and I get you on your own." [Note: Yes, I have had ALL OF THE ABOVE lines used on me.] This is where I immortalize th...

Written March 15, 2010 Apocalyptic title, you think? Well, think again. In less than 20 days, I say goodbye to what has defined my life for so long: School Life. Yes, indeed, it is the end. And as pictures of farewell ceremonies and farewell notes throng Facebook profiles... I find myself assailed by a curious kind of wistfulness. Now you'll think, "Oh man, there she goes again, emo talk and senti crap. When the HELL does she NOT feel wistful?" I'm not gonna blame you, but I do like to think that this time I have ample reason for complaint. 'Cause going through all the pictures and shit (and I am not gonna bore you with how I was not reduced to tears by them), one line that kept recurring was:  14 wonderful years with you people, thank you so much. Our own farewell was no exception. The same old Ramayana, minus the Facebooking. 14 years together, yada yada, and I think, "Where the hell are MY 14 years together?" Shifting schools hasn't hurt ...

Soon this will feel like a distant dream.  Until then, may you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber. -  Elise,  Westworld സ്നേഹതുമ്പി - Snehathumbi, from the movie December This super cheesy song was my anthem when it came to my first big crush. I suppose it was the imagery of two people who know each other as kids growing up to fall in love that did the trick. I really was obsessed with this song for quite a while. The funny thing is, so was Sibnonymous. I don't know who he was crushing on at the time, but we really bonded over the whole thing. Whenever one of us began to sing it, the other would join in. Occasionally we would forget what the song sounded like, and would have to try and remind each other. At the age of 6, all of us began to go for Catechism classes for the first time. Every year, all the batches would put on a show, and our batch was assigned the story of Jairus' daughter. For the uninitiated, Jairus' daughter died of an illness, and Jesus tu...

Soon this will feel like a distant dream.  Until then, may you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber. -  Elise,  Westworld The first Taylor Swift song I ever heard was when I was in 11th grade -  I'm Only Me When I'm With You. The song didn't mean much, except for having a lovely tune. It was only after I came to college that I truly discovered Taylor Swift. Friday night beneath the stars In a field behind your yard  You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky - I'm only Me When I'm With You, Taylor Swift I have a lot of problems with the singer herself - her yo-yoing on feminism, the appropriation of other identities in her songs... But her songs are often exactly what you need.  The Way I Loved You was a ranty favourite - this one must have seen hundreds of repeat. When you seem to slip through the same kinds of situations over and over again, songs like this tend to come back into relevance. I'm not a fan of the gender normative...

Photo by  Katarzyna Modrzejewska  from  Pexels Rather than waste its time on hateful bigotry and petty violence, if only mankind devoted its time and energy to solving the more difficult problems of the soul. Such as how to handle and process rejection in a sane and rational manner. There are few on earth who haven't experienced the sting of feeling unwanted. It may be a passing pain, quickly overtaken by better emotions, or it may be a dreadful burden that weighs on the soul for decades. But no human is universally accepted - we are all disliked by someone or the other. Or perhaps not liked as much as we would prefer.  I have long bemoaned the despicable practice of turning on the one that rejected you, armed with insults and fury - a practice which has, as part of it, the concept of the friendzone. A section of society that seems to consist overwhelmingly of men attack viciously the objects of their affections once they have been turned down by them...