Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Wondering whether we're all doomed to spend our lives in hell.

I inhale pain. I exhale love.  I embrace my pain. I accept my pain.  I forgive you.

Photo by  Luis Galvez  on  Unsplash Written May 26, 2014 Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai* What are these tendrils of Time  That my little feet trip on ? What are these bumps in the road  That I must stumble into ? Is it not possible to run far away To a place far back beyond Time  Is it not possible to hide somewhere  Forgotten long ago  What are these tears I find  Upon my pillow each night ? Whose face is it I miss That I can now barely recall ? Was it only yesterday That I spoke to you with words breaking  O'er the great bad reef/ My heart Crushing itself inside out ? We're going away now  We're never turning back I'll hitch my wagon to the stars  So I'll never have a choice  I'll not turn back to see  Whether you turned back to see  One last look of confusion  Because that's all this was  A silence made of twisting knives  Buried deep i...

Crossposted. October 1, 2010. Yesterday, you sat beside me as I cried. Today, there's no one to hold me as I cry. And that is how I know you're still alive. Because every minute of my days, you're a hole in the world, floating softly next to me, filling my dreams and fantasies, and all my waking hours. I feel myself giving slowly in to the pressure. An evil imp insists that I take the plunge, but I know that even as I slice into the blue depths of the pool, there will be no water to caress my sore skin, to soothe the aching pain that afflicts me. What can I say, except that you walked away on a moonlit night? That the strange loud music in the background drowned out the sound of my heart breaking. What can I say, except that I had no choice but to break the circle to keep myself sane? Princesses know the duties they owe State and people. Royalty from around the world courts us with gifts unimaginable, with more flowers than our castles can hold, with more l...

Photo by  Jonatán Becerra  on  Unsplash We speak of her from time to time  I hear of her likes, her loves, her cruelties  Not once however Have I heard her name How many suns had to pass Before he forgot how to speak it How many sandstorms fought To erase the way it sounded Falling from his lips? What rivers carved Their way through rock What night fell In a silence that held And failed to end And what is the shadow that remains After they have both passed on  Casting gray 'cross memory's threshold Stark, mute, and nameless

Written December 12, 2010 Tonight I said goodbye To a dream I saw again Something I once knew A long time ago In another life I could go this distance And yet another one But why then do I find myself Coming back around to this Little town I cherish in my heart I could do a million times Better and the world is mine For the taking so why Does everything feel incomplete Without you around to smile And make me feel so much better Forgive me for not leaving Forgive me for wanting to watch Over you this night And the next and every single Minute of forever Some things I can't help So I will let you hide Somewhere no one can see Someplace to call our own Maybe someday I'll take you there It will be our secret Our hideout, far away from the distance That pulls me into the pain And some nights all I do Is fall asleep in your arms These dreams I say goodbye to Forgive me for turning my back on you The distance calls and I'm succumbing To ...

Written November 27, 2010 Who stands guard over your dreams? Each time you close your eyes Not long ere the night folds her cloak And dissolves into the rays of dawn Who watches over you in her every thought? As late at night you roam the city Immersed in things of small import Leaving no thought astray for the wings That shield you from harm's way Who dreams of you every night? And falls asleep in your arms Who smiles a secret smile at the mere Mention of your name? Who attempts to divine from your words? Your thoughts, your mood, your feelings today Who is the one that yearns to comfort You in her arms as you fight for acceptance Reading from your stubborn brow The pain of rejection you seek to ignore The only one allowed to hurt you She lets false words fall from her lips See in her eyes a deceptive hate Lest your heart freeze in pain or fear For it's the chasm that yawns beneath your feet That bears the brunt of her fury The reason why she runs further each time She feels ...

Written September 7, 2010 Tapping into reserves Of emotion yet unleashed My pen sets out On its solitary tale The laughter in the wings The screams from last night Resound in my head As I stare into The unforgiving glare S ome things  lurk in the shadow O thers  prowl the daylight hours But if my dreams Are anything to go by I'd rather walk the shadows  by myself Than turn around And face the heat So I'm dancing by myself Swaying with the crowd Wishing for the hands That should come and hold me close I'm walking down This road again As my shadow holds my hand Tonight I wish On a wishing star And try to hide the pain Some things can't be hurried There's no point to running But the tiny ray of Hope That keeps me going Shines like the star In the Northern Quarter In a velvet sky From long ago And every time I round a corner I remind myself to smile For who knows but t...

Photo by  Arian Darvishi  on  Unsplash "You know you have lost your springtime girl, your Molly on the beach with the wind in her brown hair and red cloak. You have been gone too long from her, and too much has befallen you both. And what you loved, what both of you truly loved, was not each other. It was the time of your life. It was the spring of your years, and life running strong in you, and war on your doorstep and your strong, perfect bodies. Look back, in truth. You will find you recall fully as many quarrels and tears as you do lovemaking and kisses. Fitz. Be wise. Let her go, and keep those memories intact. Save what you can of her, and let her keep what she can of the wild and daring boy she loved. Because both he and that merry little miss are no more than memories anymore.” She shook her head. “No more than memories.” “You are wrong!” I shouted furiously. “You are wrong!” - Assassin's Quest, Robin Hobb