Brainwashing the Brainwashers and Beating the Patriarchy
Upholding of patriarchal values requires, as an essential component, that the victims be brainwashed into the system. When met with consistent and simple rejection of their values, coupled with the fact that the people rejecting their values do not depend on them in the least, their world fails around their ears.
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| Photo by Briana Tozour on Unsplash |
For the most part, I actively try to cultivate an echo chamber in my life. I engage with only those persons who share the same perspectives as I do, so that those perspectives are magnified with each of us that speaks. I also redirect these perspectives into a more public sphere, but I rarely end up having to engage in those avenues. I rarely have to face head on the people that have a "different" perspective.
And by "different", I mean people who continue to hold casteist, colourist, racist, sexist, and homophobic perspectives. To call these "different perspectives" is in itself a huge disservice, an action that understates the tremendous amount of hate that forms a foundation to these notions.
But never do I have to fear that my search for positive reinforcement, and a hate-free life, will result in me convincing myself that there is no more evil in the world. I do not have to fear that I will forget how the thoughts of the bigoted work, because I have a front row seat to some of the most stubborn bigoted thinking I have had the misfortune to experience in my life.
Trying to figure out how to get through to such people has been an unending intellectual exercise. On many levels, I have had to force myself to admit that there is probably no getting through to them. On all the other levels, I continue to persevere.
And by "different", I mean people who continue to hold casteist, colourist, racist, sexist, and homophobic perspectives. To call these "different perspectives" is in itself a huge disservice, an action that understates the tremendous amount of hate that forms a foundation to these notions.
But never do I have to fear that my search for positive reinforcement, and a hate-free life, will result in me convincing myself that there is no more evil in the world. I do not have to fear that I will forget how the thoughts of the bigoted work, because I have a front row seat to some of the most stubborn bigoted thinking I have had the misfortune to experience in my life.
Trying to figure out how to get through to such people has been an unending intellectual exercise. On many levels, I have had to force myself to admit that there is probably no getting through to them. On all the other levels, I continue to persevere.
They - who consider themselves liberal and progressive - cannot bring themselves to say that women shouldn't vote or work.
à´¸്à´¤്à´°ീകൾ à´¸്à´µാതന്à´¤്à´°്à´¯ം à´ª്à´°à´–്à´¯ാà´ªിà´š്à´šà´¤ാà´£് ഇതിൽ à´ª്à´°à´¶്à´¨ം വരാൻ à´•ാà´°à´£ം, declares a supposedly very educated individual at the table. (Translation: Women declaring their freedom is what has caused these problems.) It's their own table, so they need face no fear of repercussion when exercising their freedom of expression. Nor do they need to spare a thought for the fact that without multiple women holding up their life, their thoughts and their ego, they would very likely just be a broken shell of a man. It seemed to be a bit rich, this statement coming from someone incapable of feeding himself, had a woman not prepared the food and served it to him on a plate.
Such individuals, even as they exercise huge swathes of control over the women in their lives as the only means of boosting their self-esteem, also resent whatever little control they can no longer exercise. While having their every physical need catered to, their gaze casts forward to those aspects of women's lives that do not affect them, their paranoia bounding out of control as they envision a slippery slope to an imperfect world... i.e., a world where women no longer exist to be their slaves.
In all likelihood, engaging in a debate with such people over such a broad statement will lead them to concede almost all parts of it, for over the years, evolution has made its mark on their thought processes as well. When asked to explain their statement, they often find that they cannot substantiate it even to their own satisfaction. Are they talking about the right to vote? The right to work? They will find that they cannot declare that, yes, they are. They - who consider themselves liberal and progressive - cannot bring themselves to say that women shouldn't vote or work.
Instead, all they know is a general sense of discontent, stemming from the fact that their egos are bruised by the marked lack of slavishness these days.
The one subject on which such individuals find themselves to be on firmer ground is that of sexual mores. They will put forth confident arguments on how women should dress, on how they should engage with men to whom they are not related, on the question of agency within and outside the institution of marriage.
കർണ്ണവർമാർ പറയുà´¨്à´¨ à´ªോà´²െ à´µേà´£ം à´•à´²്à´¯ാà´£ം à´•à´´ിà´•്à´•ാൻ. ഇപ്à´ªോà´´ൊà´•്à´•െ à´…à´™്ങനെ à´…à´²്ലന്à´¨േ ആളുകൾ à´šെà´¯ുà´¨്നത്.
(Marriages should take place according to the decision of the patriarchs. Unfortunately, that's not how it's done anymore.)
This statement confidently issuing from a man who has sent one daughter into an abusive marriage, and had no say in the marriage of another. No prizes for guessing which marriage was successful.
Yet scientific thought or empirical data have no place in such arguments, and bringing them in is a mere waste of time. I have found that such arguments are best settled in the only language such bullies understand - the language of hostility and aggression. Where they seek to control the women in their lives with words and catchphrases rooted in false morality and religion, they are struck dumb by straightforward challenge.
"I reject everything you say. This is what I do. What are you going to do about it?"
Upholding of patriarchal values requires, as an essential component, that the victims be brainwashed into the system. When met with consistent and simple rejection of their values, coupled with the fact that the people rejecting their values do not depend on them in the least, their world fails around their ears. They may lapse into sulking silence, or bring forth an angry tirade. But they know, as you do, that their words, and their very existences, have now been pushed into irrelevance.
It is the only solution I have found that works. You cannot change the minds of bullies benefiting from the system they enforce. You can push them down and walk away. You can grow a spine, and thus find yourself unencumbered by their expectations, and unhindered by their empty threats.
Such individuals, even as they exercise huge swathes of control over the women in their lives as the only means of boosting their self-esteem, also resent whatever little control they can no longer exercise. While having their every physical need catered to, their gaze casts forward to those aspects of women's lives that do not affect them, their paranoia bounding out of control as they envision a slippery slope to an imperfect world... i.e., a world where women no longer exist to be their slaves.
In all likelihood, engaging in a debate with such people over such a broad statement will lead them to concede almost all parts of it, for over the years, evolution has made its mark on their thought processes as well. When asked to explain their statement, they often find that they cannot substantiate it even to their own satisfaction. Are they talking about the right to vote? The right to work? They will find that they cannot declare that, yes, they are. They - who consider themselves liberal and progressive - cannot bring themselves to say that women shouldn't vote or work.
Instead, all they know is a general sense of discontent, stemming from the fact that their egos are bruised by the marked lack of slavishness these days.
The one subject on which such individuals find themselves to be on firmer ground is that of sexual mores. They will put forth confident arguments on how women should dress, on how they should engage with men to whom they are not related, on the question of agency within and outside the institution of marriage.
കർണ്ണവർമാർ പറയുà´¨്à´¨ à´ªോà´²െ à´µേà´£ം à´•à´²്à´¯ാà´£ം à´•à´´ിà´•്à´•ാൻ. ഇപ്à´ªോà´´ൊà´•്à´•െ à´…à´™്ങനെ à´…à´²്ലന്à´¨േ ആളുകൾ à´šെà´¯ുà´¨്നത്.
(Marriages should take place according to the decision of the patriarchs. Unfortunately, that's not how it's done anymore.)
This statement confidently issuing from a man who has sent one daughter into an abusive marriage, and had no say in the marriage of another. No prizes for guessing which marriage was successful.
Yet scientific thought or empirical data have no place in such arguments, and bringing them in is a mere waste of time. I have found that such arguments are best settled in the only language such bullies understand - the language of hostility and aggression. Where they seek to control the women in their lives with words and catchphrases rooted in false morality and religion, they are struck dumb by straightforward challenge.
"I reject everything you say. This is what I do. What are you going to do about it?"
Upholding of patriarchal values requires, as an essential component, that the victims be brainwashed into the system. When met with consistent and simple rejection of their values, coupled with the fact that the people rejecting their values do not depend on them in the least, their world fails around their ears. They may lapse into sulking silence, or bring forth an angry tirade. But they know, as you do, that their words, and their very existences, have now been pushed into irrelevance.
It is the only solution I have found that works. You cannot change the minds of bullies benefiting from the system they enforce. You can push them down and walk away. You can grow a spine, and thus find yourself unencumbered by their expectations, and unhindered by their empty threats.
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