I Ask Too Much

I remember when I would hunger for connection, lost in a sea of signals and codes I couldn't interpret, mistakenly taking words at face value that were never meant to be given a second thought. 

Photo by Klara Kulikova on Unsplash

Some things are no one's fault, but it's not difficult to cast about for a deeper meaning, an invisible pattern, an explanation for pain that shouldn't exist. 

Some things I never asked for, and almost forgot to acknowledge when they came in uninvited. 

But to accept that they can walk out the same way they came in - unasked and unacknowledged - why should that feel so much more difficult? 

I ask too much of myself today. I ask for silence in the face of fury, and rage, and pain. 

I ask for acceptance in the face of disappointment. 

I ask, once again, that I let things go that I have hungered for. Things I feel I deserve.