Throwback: The Bitter Taste of Freedom

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Written April 3, 2009

I've done it all. Gotten past the nightmarish nuns, and gotten through the endless nights of frustration. And I'm finally back. Back home. Home, the place where I belong. And when I got here, waiting for me on my doorstep was a question I never thought I'd have to face.

Do I really wanna be here?

Don't get me wrong. I never thought things would be hunky dory. But, you know what? I'm dismayed to find that I'm just a leetle bit disappointed.

For one, there's none of the golden hilarious happiness I thought would be mine when I was finally back home. It just feels normal. Or even a bit desperate. Like, I'm still not sure whether this happiness is only on lease for a month, or whether its here to stay. So yeah, all this feels surreal.

And to make things worse, there's a cold night outside my window... and the breeze is beckoning to me, calling me out... telling me to come and give myself upto the delicious joy of the nights i once loved.

'Once loved'. It sounds so much like a cliche. Like all that's behind me. It feels like another age, aeons ago... the life of some spoilt, messed up, lucky rich girl. Or something. It doesn't feel like me, at all.

And the angels watched
As her tears fell
And they smiled
Their secret smiles
Knowing that soon
Quite soon
The tide would come in again.

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