Reveries VI

Soon this will feel like a distant dream. Until then, may you rest in a deep and dreamless slumber. - Elise, Westworld

Castle of Glass - Linkin Park

Take me down to the river bend
Take me down to the fighting end
Wash the poison from off my skin
Show me how to be whole again

Fly me up on a silver wing
Past the black where the sirens sing
Warm me up in a nova's glow
And drop me down to the dream below

'Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see
For you to see

Chester Bennington, former frontman of the bank Linkin Park, passed away on July 20, 2017. He was 41. I avoided processing the news. 

My friend's kitten is named Chester in his honour. And yet I wonder. 

Everybody I know put up statuses lamenting the fact. And yet I wonder. 

A few shared pieces on the backlash against his latest music and peoples' sense of entitlement in general. And yet I wonder. 

When Amy Bleuel passed away, I took it pretty hard. That's because when someone whose work helps you survive ends up succumbing - well, that's hardest of all. 

I must have spent hours in high school listening to Leave Out All the Rest. I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop listening, couldn't stop identifying, couldn't stop reliving the horror of that song. Every time the song ended, I comforted myself with the thought that the singer was still alive - it was performative - it wasn't real. 

Except, of course, it was real, just delayed, and that is the story of every single person who struggles with what Chester Bennington did. 

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

And that's why I wonder - I wonder about the people naming cats and statuses in Chester's honour. I wonder about the people who claim to miss him, who lament the tragedy of his passing. Do you? Do you really? Because there are people all around you - Look. Around. You. - who suffer the same way he did, and what the hell are you doing about it? Wasn't like all these crazed fans were stanning for him no matter what when he was still alive - and don't you think something like that will have an effect? 

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating 

I've shared what I've made 

I'm strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I've never been perfect

But neither have you

Do you ever think about the effect your words might have? When you lament the loss of a popular singer to suicide, do you wonder whether that could happen to someone you know? No one is obligated to extend positive help - but I do believe (and IDC if this is an unpopular opinion) but I do believe that you're obligated to refrain from fucking causing harm. 

Stop labeling people who talk about suicide as attention seekers. They might even be strong enough to shake your words off when they're feeling alright, but when vulnerable, those words will come back to haunt them. When their minds are ripe to believe the worst, what you said or did could cause them to take a crucial step back - right when they need to stay still the most. 

And you know what the best part is? It costs you absolutely fucking nothing to just refrain from being a mean, bullying piece of shit. Try it. 

Leave out all the rest - Linkin Park

"Stay Strong. Love endlessly. Change Lives.”

- Amy Bleuel, Project Semicolon: Your Story Isn't Over