Insomnia

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to insomnia. It’s a drag, it wrecks my life, wrecks my mind, makes functioning next to impossible and everything looks as though it’s in the upside down. 

Over the last three days however, the horror of insomnia has kicked itself up a notch, going from being up all night and finally passing out from exhaustion in the morning, to getting absolutely no sleep whatsoever. Not even feeling sleepy. Focusing on work, studies, writing, even watching of television has become unimaginable. In addition, I’ve never faced something like this before, and I have a sharp pain flashing inside my right temple, and I can’t keep The Machinist out of my head. 

The idea of working while wrestling insomnia is laughable. The idea of doing anything that can remotely be considered “successful” in a capitalist bent society is, yes, laughable. And when the sheer hellscape that is sleep deprivation is combined with the insanity of lightning swift mood swings and trauma induced persistent need to severely self harm, well, I imagine that would make for a pretty fucked up painting.