Drunken Pirates & Villainous Kittens

It's 3:30 am, the cats are asleep and I'm going to regret cracking open this second can of soda instead of sleeping. Fact of the matter is, I feel exhausted. I feel very threatened. I feel sad that this is not something half the population can even see, let alone empathize with.

So I think, "Hey, it's time to write something nice. Hey, you have five posts to put up so go ahead, write something nice."

Well, alright, I'll try. I'll try writing a story about a once upon a time. Once upon a time, there was a cat that ran out into the road and was picked up and taken home. She ate so much food her tummy was perpetually a round little ball. She tried to ride the other cat in the house like he was a horse. She lived up to the name she'd been given: Heda, meaning Commander.

Once upon a time, there was a lost kitten, who was drenched in water, alone by the side of the road. She heard the dogs barking as they got closer, but then she was picked up and taken to a home and named Nefertiti, like the Egyptian Queen. She has a nose Queen Rania would kill for, and purrs like a baby motorcycle. In time, Neffie got her elder brother to break a window and ran off to meet her boyfriend. She then ended up having 5 babies, each rivaling the last in cool factor. She now spends much of her time wondering how to keep them from falling off beds.

The eldest of her kids is Jiaying. She was first to open her eyes - both of them. None of this drunk pirate nonsense her siblings were engaging in for Jiaying. She takes after mum in coat, is beautiful and catches everyone's eye.

Next was Deucalion, the Demon Wolf. Much of his image is tarnished by the fact that people call him Duke, or Butt-head. Deucalion started out as the biggest of the lot but has now been outstripped by his brother, who may or may not be known as Veerappan. Topping both the boys in size is Imperator Furiosa, whom we know is already going to be a terrifying bully. She's pure white, so everyone will definitely love her, and I think she already knows that.

Last but dearest to my heart is little Lydia Luckyspot. Lydia the screamer. Named for a formidable banshee, Lydia is the youngest, was last to open even a single eye, and will not stop loudly complaining about the food, the service, her rude siblings. Lydia is obsessed with technology, will sleep on phones with great competence, and is set to follow in mum's footsteps as an influencer.

I may have inadvertently passed on my knowledge of the Divergent series to Neffie, and through her, to the babies. Because as soon as Furiosa became the biggest and the strongest and stopped obeying her, Jiaying lived up to her villainous namesake's legacy by (allegedly) stabbing her rival in the eye.

No, seriously. Within the span of three hours, Furiosa went from creeping everyone out with her beady stare to pirating all over again. Fortunately she was fine by morning, but I feel like these girls are destined to become the cats of villains who are each other's nemeses. No prizes for guessing who's in Slytherin, and who in Gryffindor.

And they all continue to live, and most importantly, sleep happily ever after and I love them all more than I love anyone. Goodnight, darlings. Sleep for me too, because I don't have the good sense to do it.