Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Black women are the most incisive, insightful people on the planet (and with good reason - they seem to end up having to deal with an even greater amount of garbage than normal). A lot of the best advice I've gotten in recent times has therefore come from black twitter, and the greatest of them is this: Stop trying to preach to them. They hear you. They just don't want to do it for you.

Photo by  Tim Marshall  on  Unsplash Wild stroke flailing wide  Wistful song shepherding Light-hearted feet dancing  Around the maelstrom/ Is now  Wall of fury/ night's  Fear revealed in silence Keeping its deafening vigil/ Circling  A yawning abyss/ As  Bloody broken ruins tower  Teeter, topple, tarnish  Falling through my outstretched palm Sightless eyes unsurprised  Having known a patient future/ Home  Beckons/ Its toothless gap split  In ghastly smiles since forgotten  The music bids  Adieu/ Time to fade into  Priorities/ into deathless sleep  And memories long obscured 

Title: Captive Author:  Aimee Carter Year of Publication: 2014 Series:  The Blackcoat Rebellion Series #: 2 Goodreads Rating (Avg.): 3.77 Goodreads Rating (Mine): 2 Spoilers Plot Description:  Kitty is supposed to continue pretending to be Lila Hart, but her rebelliousness gives Daxton Hart, the Prime Minister, reason to publicly disown her and send her Elsewhere. In  Captive,  Kitty navigates survival in Elsewhere and continues her efforts to further the Blackcoat Rebellion. The word Blackcoat is unnecessarily grandiose and superficial, just like everything in this book. I mentioned in my review of  Pawn  (Book 1 in this series) that the story could easily have been wrapped up by the end of that book. But Carter sacrifices good writing in favour of world building (and the mandatory YA trilogy) and  Captive  suffers the brunt of that choice. In a word,  Captive is as superficial and redundant as the name Blackcoat ...

Photo by  Maid Milinkic  on  Unsplash Written August 24, 2014 I'm sure you've heard these words before  I'm sure these dreams have come a visiting Dropping in when you least expect them  Come to transport you  Back to a place you used to call home  A place where the roads were paved In the sounds of your footsteps  High heels running home  Feeling breathless and angry  Because they're all gone  They didn't care to wait for you  Didn't let you linger awhile  Sing a few more notes  Before the night takes its window signs down  A place where the air whispers of cinema  Of dreams you breathe in  Ballooning up within you  And you're rising up, up Up along with it  Because the cinema is just down the road All your paths take you  Back into the dreams you had  Of the boy in class who was/ Most definitely an actor's twin  A place where every night i...

Photo by  frank mckenna  on  Unsplash Well. I was going through posts from my old blog to add to the "Throwback" series when I came across  bona fide  evidence of cool-girling. You see, as far as I'm concerned, all girls have this one true best friend, the one to whom you say everything, no matter how dirty or disgusting it is. But after that, surviving the whole best friend minefield is a dicey business, I tell you.  Now, no offence to my guy friends, (and any guy readers)-- because I love you guys... but boys are stupid in a lot of ways. They're good with mechanics, and engines, and directions. But at spotting the obvious, at doing the right thing, at following their heart and when it comes to girls, in general, they are idiots. Period.  But however, guys do know how to have fun. In style. Why? My good friend Pavvi has a theory. She thinks its because they just don't care. I think she may have a point there... because after all, guys have...

Photo by  Mohamed Nohassi  on  Unsplash Attempting to outrun the inevitable is a horrible feeling. When you know there's no escaping it, when you know your efforts to mitigate the fallout will be laughable at best, how do you summon up the motivation to keep running anyway? Is there even a point? Now, I know I'm supposed to challenge my thinking. I'm probably supposed to point out to myself that I cannot predict what will happen. That simply because it has been inevitable in the past, doesn't mean it will be this time. This time could be different, if only I could put in the requisite effort. That is what therapy seems to be telling me. It's exhausting, holding onto hope like that. The urge to curl up and let the storm take over is far too strong, always. And that's how you end up fighting your instincts, your despair, and your depression, all at once. Is failure surprising, in this scenario? Depression feels inevitable to me - even more so wh...

Title:  Pawn Author:  Aimee Carter Year of Publication: 2013 Series: The Blackcoat Rebellion #:  1 Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  3.80 Goodreads Rating (Mine): 2 SO MANY SPOILERS Plot Description:  Kitty Doe lives in a world where everyone takes a test at the age of 17 which evaluates their worth in society. She receives a 3, rather than the average 4 on her test. Just when she thinks she's doomed to a life of menial work, she's whisked off to be a doppelganger for the Prime Minister's dead niece, Lila Hart. As Lila Hart, Kitty is supposed to help stop a rebellion against the current regime - a rebellion Lila had secretly been fostering. Disclaimer: I didn't want to read this book, but it was lying around at home and I was starved for options. Since I was going into this book with no expectations whatsoever, I actually ended up pleasantly surprised at times. It was only after I started reading YA almost exclusively that I came across the ...

Photo by  Benjamin Behre  on  Unsplash Written December 14, 2010 Sometimes, weird things run wild. Those days, maybe you handle it. Maybe you don't.  There are some thoughts that aren't even said out loud. Not even to your reflection in the mirror. Saying them out loud would mean a loss of sanctity... it would mean exposing them to the differently structured minds of other people.  They won't understand. They never do. And when you do say it out loud, not even your reflection in the mirror is sympathetic.  Yes, it's time to move on. It's time to take this thing I know, and lock it away in a safe somewhere. And then set that safe on an island and set it adrift on an ocean; peaceful and calm as the glassy lake on a warm summer day. This thing I'm locking away involves a deep set belief grounded in pure Soul. It has a streak of white hot Hope on it, a Hope that's dangerous if set free. It's not the paths we traced to get to here that ...

I'm sittin' here in the boring room It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon I'm wasting my time I got nothin' to do I'm hangin' around I'm waitin' for you But nothing ever happens and I wonder I'm drivin' around in my car I'm drivin' too fast I'm drivin' too far I'd like to change my point of view I feel so lonely I'm waitin' for you But nothing ever happens and I wonder I wonder how I wonder why Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree I'm turnin' my head up and down I'm turnin', turnin', turnin', turnin', turnin' around And all that I can see is just another lemon tree Sing! Dap-dadada-dadpm-didap-da Dadada-dadpm-didap-da Dap-didili-da I'm sittin' here I miss the power I'd like to go out takin' a shower But there's a heavy cloud inside my head I feel so tired Put myself into bed Well, ...

Photo by  ActionVance  on  Unsplash Acceptance  Avoidance of negative emotions can be a very compelling approach. Facing negative emotions can lead to depression, can disrupt daily functioning. But in the long run, avoidance serves to compound the negativity.  Acceptance is a willingness to experience your emotions.  Experiencing emotions without pushing them away can be the first step towards healing.  Mindfulness  Learning to notice the present moment and paying attention to your internal state.  Self as Context  Exploring how we see ourselves using descriptors  Gaining some distance from those descriptors  Labels are words to describe you, but not the total essence of you.  Exploring Value and Action  Identifying and committing to what you truly value in your life.  By identifying what is important to you, you can start to figure out how you want to change your behaviour....

Photo by  ActionVance  on  Unsplash Therapy can be frustrating for multiple reasons. On the one hand, you have to talk about things you really don't want to talk about. You have to talk about them to someone else, when you won't even give them thought-form inside your own head. Trying to get past that means turning on honest-mode no matter what, which can lead to... blabbering. Because you're so uncomfortable, and now you're forcing yourself to talk and god knows what the hell you're saying anymore. Yes, I'm confusing myself AND my therapist. That's great. But as I said during the session today, I want to write things down so that they may be made sense of. If I'm being honest, I would rather NOT be the person who has to go back and make sense of this stuff. I would rather NOT be in touch with some of my thoughts? Why is that though, because I've been telling myself that I have no thoughts I'm ashamed of - I accept myself, flaws an...

Photo by  STIL  on  Unsplash Mindfulness  Building awareness of the present moment.  Focusing attention on emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations.  Focus on the five senses - sight, smell, hearing, skin sensations, and taste  Paying attention to what's going on without judgment.  Interpersonal Effectiveness In each interaction with people, we juggle various priorities.  Those priorities vary from person to person and context to context - sometimes we prioritize our relationship with a person, other times we prioritize goals or achievements  DBT can help figure out those priorities and provide road maps to achieving them.  Emotional Regulation  There may be situations where your emotions become uncontrollable - anxiety, anger or sadness.  This is especially the case when you feel vulnerable - when you're hungry, tired, sick, or exposed to unpleasantness, for instance.  Sleep, exercise...

Photo by  Alejo Reinoso  on  Unsplash We were having a discussion recently about having a dude beaten up (he more than deserves it.) This is the sort of thing we (I) regularly discuss as half a joke but I came to a couple of conclusions last night:  That inflicting violence, however well justified, would impact the perpetrator as well as the victim. How even if it doesn't affect such monsters and even if they get pleasure out of it, we aren't like that because if we were we'd already be out there inflicting violence. That our empathetic nature would be affected by the pain we ourselves inflict. That there would be no going back from something like that, and you might irrevocably become someone else. It puts the prospect of revenge in a clearer light - I have been very consumed by the idea for a while, and I cannot honestly say I have completely given up on it even now. Something needs to be done about such people... but should that something come at the furt...

Behavioural Coping Allowing yourself reminders of the trauma can cause overwhelming anxiety, depression, or anger. This is a legitimate concern . Grounding skills can help you regain your focus on the present moment and remind yourself that you are currently safe.  Relaxation and breathing techniques serve the same purpose  These techniques help when you are reminded of the traumatic event and during painful flashbacks.  Exposure Therapy  A lot of energy is often spent avoiding people, places and things that remind you of the traumatic experience.  In the short term, avoidance strategies work fairly well. But in the long term, these strategies can cause your life to become very limited. Premise: Talk about your traumatic experience in small, planned and manageable portions. (Talking, writing, or confronting in small steps situations that remind you of the traumatic event.) Based on the principle of systematic desensitization:  Pairing...

Title:  Dawn of Wonder Author:  Jonathan Renshaw Year of Publication:  2015 Series:  The Wakening Series #:  1 Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  4.35 Goodreads Rating (Mine):  4 Synopsis:  Aedan’s carefree life at the Badgerfield farm is rudely disrupted when Lekrau pirates attack, and kidnap his best friend Kalry. Rumours about his involvement in the attack force his family to leave their home and journey to the mighty city of Castath. Once there, he catches the eye of the great general Osric, and joins a group of students training to be Marshals of the kingdom. All the while, mysterious happenings unfold inside and outside the city, and Aedan nurses his desire for revenge against the Lekrau. Good writing shows. It is unhurried, and care is given to the placing of every word. It is difficult to attain that balance between humour and gravity, but Renshaw manages it by quietly slipping it into even the most mundane of sentences, making the reading ...

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) has been effectively used in helping people who have difficulty managing emotions and forming close relationships, as well as with thoughts of self harm. DBT was originally developed to treat Borderline Personality Disorder. Recently it has also been used to approach other conditions including PTSD. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) ACT is a treatment that focuses on helping people observe their thoughts and emotions without judgement. The need to identify your values and take action, regardless of your internal state, is centred. It doesn't focus on trying to change thoughts or feelings, but emphasizes how changing your behaviour can help you feel better. ACT helps develop psychological flexibility - the ability to see things from various viewpoints and react to stressful situations with resilience .

New Obsession 💘

Photo by  Luis Galvez  on  Unsplash Written May 26, 2014 Il y a longtemps que je t'aime Jamais je ne t'oublierai* What are these tendrils of Time  That my little feet trip on ? What are these bumps in the road  That I must stumble into ? Is it not possible to run far away To a place far back beyond Time  Is it not possible to hide somewhere  Forgotten long ago  What are these tears I find  Upon my pillow each night ? Whose face is it I miss That I can now barely recall ? Was it only yesterday That I spoke to you with words breaking  O'er the great bad reef/ My heart Crushing itself inside out ? We're going away now  We're never turning back I'll hitch my wagon to the stars  So I'll never have a choice  I'll not turn back to see  Whether you turned back to see  One last look of confusion  Because that's all this was  A silence made of twisting knives  Buried deep i...

Photo by  J CS  on  Unsplash All your life, you read about things and think about the things that intrigue you. There are societies, and their rules. If you're not intrigued by these rules, you will accept them, and live by them all your life; never once questioning them. If they're intriguing, you begin to wonder why they were placed there in the first place. Who put them there, and what do they stand to gain?  What happens when you break these rules? I've thought about these rules all my life. They're not always set by an external authoritative figure. Sometimes  they're just there, in your heart. Call it social conditioning or what you will. The further you think about them, and the deeper you question them, the faster they begin to fall apart and disappear.  Once I had established that the rules were gone, I realized that I couldn't afford to follow suit. Sans rules, it was a short drop and a sudden stop; before you know it, you find yo...