FOMO

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Trying not to get starry eyed over this boy may have been the hardest thing I've ever done.

Memories are tricky. You know how olfactory senses are supposed to be the greatest triggers for memory ever? Well, something that comes close is reopening an old, closed door... and then combining it with another old closed door opening up. Out of the blue.

Man, I kind of feel like I got hit in the face by a whole bunch of doors, and yes, this is about the Backstreet Boys concert that just happened in Dubai.

When I first heard about it, I remember thinking, whoa, my Instagram story feed is going to be insane when this is happening. And I was definitely right about that. I mean, damn Dubai, I thought you couldn't hurt me anymore, and now I feel like I'm fifteen all over again.

I won't, I tell myself. I won't encourage these feelings, just because there's yet another lanky, chocolate boy involved. I won't long for what I can't have, won't start to imagine how I can possibly find my way back home... He's not my ticket back, he's not waiting for me. 

What happened was amazing, but it does not do to get greedy.

And along those lines, the pressure to go back to Dubai is getting to be unbearable. I don't dare speak to anyone connected to my childhood, because invariably the first things and the last things they say is, "Come back, come back, come back." I don't dare speak to my mother either, because she's gotten it into her head that I should go work there - work at any job, that's okay, as long as you change location.

Except I have a life here now. Bangalore is home too, although not home the way Dubai is - nothing can be home the way Dubai is, nothing else can drive me insane at 4 am armed with nothing more than an Instagram story the way Dubai can.

I live here now, you know? My cats live here. My friends live here. Everything is here - except for good shopping and the life I've always longed for.

Never thought I'd feel so torn. Never thought I'd see the day when my mom pushes me to go back... and I resist.

Nor did I ever think that resisting myself would be so hard. And it's all thanks to those damn, lanky chocolate boys. 

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