Navigating Solutions and Darkness

( Continued from here ) My maternal great-grandfather Augustus was a farmer, and he gradually grew to be quite rich (by the standards of that little out of the way village). He married my great-grandmother Mary when they were both 13, or thereabouts, and they had eight children, of whom six survived to adulthood. A boy and a girl died in infancy, infant mortality rates being somewhat of an issue back then. Of the surviving six, my granddad Joseph is the third, and he and the eldest daughter (Mary Jr.) are the only ones to have gotten married. Considering how many children they each went on to have, the fact that the other four girls joined the convent probably did the Indian population rates a favour.  A year after Mary Jr. was married, she came home to have her first baby. Baby Treasa was born a month after Mary Sr.'s last child, Clare. Mary Jr.'s younger sister Anna was so horrified by the spectacle of childbirth that she swore off the whole concept of marriage, and...

Photo by  RD Gray  on  Unsplash I came back to Kerala for a few days, and for once, it's been a trip I don't regret (so far). And honestly, I feel like at this point in India's political climate, this is the place I need to be in. A place where "meat puff" refers to beef. Seriously, chicken tastes disgusting in a "puff."  Perhaps it's the incessant rains. Rains have a way of lifting my spirits. Of making everything feel less bleak.  Perhaps it's the fact that, for once, travel did not prove to be an ordeal. I've been travelling constantly since Saturday, and it's all been pleasant, all the way.  Well, there was that incident where a drunk dude kept trying to press his erection against me in the bus, but I was well armed - with a blue sketch pen. When he realized that I planned to mark up his white dhoti in blue every time the dhoti ventured close to me - incidentally marking the exact spot where his penis would be, he ...

Crossposting from Feminist Quill , July 22, 2015 Title:  Shadow Kiss Author:  Richelle Mead Year of Publication:  2008 Series:  Vampire   Academy #:   3 Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  4.41 Goodreads Rating (Mine):  5 SPOILER WARNING For Books 1, 2 and 3 Shadow Kiss  is in a lot of senses, the coming of age novel of the  VA  series. Yes, Rose turns 18 in this book. She also gets her first glimpse of life as an adult (on her visit to the Moroi court), gets an idea of how things work in real life, where you're expected to bend your life around other peoples' priorities, and experiences death and loss on a vast scale. It's almost as though, after watching a close friend die in  Frostbite,  life is now telling her,  "You think you're strong? You don't know what real pain is yet."  At the end of the book, when she takes advantage of her birthday and her newly adult status by leaving the Academy on a suic...

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky Confusing stars for satellites I never dreamed that you'd be mine But here we are, we're here tonight Singing Amen, I'm alive (I'm alive) Singing Amen, I'm alive If everyone cared and nobody cried If everyone loved and nobody lied If everyone shared and swallowed their pride Then we'd see the day when nobody died And I'm singing Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive And in the air the fireflies Our only light in paradise We'll show the world they were wrong And teach them all to sing along Singing Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive) Singing Amen, I, I'm alive If everyone cared and nobody cried If everyone loved and nobody lied If everyone shared and swallowed their pride Then we'd see the day when nobody died If everyone cared and nobody cried If everyone loved and nobody li...

A bitter note Of regret Hums above in midair As a chord Of spite Is struck My fingers flow Over familiar keys The starkness of the Black and white Pounds out a rhythm In sync with my heart This symphony Has been played before In this concert hall of Pain In this Ancient Gamefield Where the Player Turns played Bringing out the background notes In a requiem of Love This song from my heart Weaves in and out Blending with The tears of souls And a hundred thousand lies It's a lullaby that rocks The babies of the damned It's the pain beneath my skin Lashing out again Written on July 25, 2010

Written on June 21, 2008. Comments in maroon.  Such a good nostalgic song. Kind of how I'm feeling - all nostalgic and VERY DEPRESSED. Seriously, I thought I'd forgotten how to behave well with me family. I guess not. I'm surprising myself. But, whatever. I think the harm's already done. I can't describe just HOW MUCH I'm regretting my high handedness with my family. Seriously. And now they're not giving me a second chance. And I'm still in denial. Try as I might, I can't face the fact that I might have to stay here, and not go back at all. I keep trying to ignore the whole thing, like if I don't think about it, it might go away. I'm sure I do deserve this, er, punishment... But I'm still hoping. 'Cause every prisoner, every orphan, everybody however wicked or unfortunate, has the right to Hope. Faith is a matter of the slightly stronger, but not hope. That's for everyone. And if everyone cared, then...

Photo by  Markus Spiske  on  Unsplash Out of the gloom The room seems to want to tell me Things I've forgotten Or haven't thought about In far too long Some things are just too heavy To make the journey I'm left with no choice But to ditch the baggage Or lose myself in oblivion There's this dream I keep waking up from Where I fly down the stairs To where you wait In front of the gate I run down a million times In a million years of memory There are things I've left undone Because tonight seems To go on forever I stand at this door And look into the gloom What do you see In my unseeing eyes Do you see me look past you 'Cause I don't need to see you When you're always right In front of my mind I've seen the stars e xtinguished  Too many times t o be surprised  This time  it's all I can do To slip out through the door And into the silence outside Written July 23, 2...

Photo by  Katarzyna Modrzejewska  from  Pexels Rather than waste its time on hateful bigotry and petty violence, if only mankind devoted its time and energy to solving the more difficult problems of the soul. Such as how to handle and process rejection in a sane and rational manner. There are few on earth who haven't experienced the sting of feeling unwanted. It may be a passing pain, quickly overtaken by better emotions, or it may be a dreadful burden that weighs on the soul for decades. But no human is universally accepted - we are all disliked by someone or the other. Or perhaps not liked as much as we would prefer.  I have long bemoaned the despicable practice of turning on the one that rejected you, armed with insults and fury - a practice which has, as part of it, the concept of the friendzone. A section of society that seems to consist overwhelmingly of men attack viciously the objects of their affections once they have been turned down by them...

Crossposting from Feminist Quill, written July 22, 2015 Book Title:  Frostbite Author:  Richelle Mead Year of Publication:  2008 Series:  Vampire Academy #:  2 Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  4.31 Goodreads Rating (Mine):  5 Plot Description:  The sequel to  Vampire Academy  picks up a few months after the first, showing a new stage in Rose's guardian training. Running away from the school for two years had meant that she spent the first book trying to catch up with her classmates, and  Frostbite  opens with her Qualifier exam - one which requires an external guardian to evaluate her progress. As her mentor, it seems Dimitri was able to get her an interview with one of the most legendary guardians around, and as a bonus, this means Rose gets to roadtrip alone with her crush. Her cute triumph at having scored ten hours of being alone with him soon dovetails neatly with tragedy - a Strigoi attack at their destinat...

A pall wind peeps O'er my shoulder Forked malice flashes In the thundersky My pen gropes in the dark Looking for the face To describe the words Writing late into the night By firefly light I get drunk on Pepsi And look into the shallows Trying to get over the fact That the tides are going out Tonight I'm walking on air For sugar rush reasons Other than your pretty face I'm laughing off the pain And waking up again - Written July 19, 2010

Crossposted from Feminist Quill , written on July 21, 2015. Book Title:  Vampire Academy Author:  Richelle Mead Year of Publication:  2007 Series:  Vampire Academy #:  1 Goodreads Rating (Avg.):  4.15 Goodreads Rating (Mine):  5 Mead's world-building is excellent. Instead of going for either the monster vampire, or the sexy version, she created a world where versions of both co-exist. Vampire Academy #1 - Vampire Academy Vampires are all the rage. Wait, that's still true, right? I mean, I know the Twilight frenzy has pretty much died down. (I'd say thank goodness, but it's been supplanted by Fifty Shades, which makes me want to go crawling back and beg Bella Swan's forgiveness). But the loyal fanbase that vampires acquired almost a decade ago is still going strong. The Vampire Diaries is one of the most-watched shows on CW, after all. Okay, I might be a little biased about TVD. And really, my obsession with vampires far predates the Twiligh...

Photo by  Kelly Sikkema  on  Unsplash Sittin' on a bench Smilin' for a pic You look like you were waitin' For me to come around I don't care if I'm wrong I just wanna sit Sit around and laugh a lot Till it's time to leave Don't think I can do this Too weak for Destiny's pen All I wanna think about Is relishing my Luck So this is all I'm gonna do Watch out for me/ here I come Save me a place on the bench Right next to you I smile when you say hi It makes me even happier When you say bye I dunno if that makes sense But that's the way it is I love it when you care enough To look around and smile I dunno what your problem is I dunno if you care But I can tell you that tonight You're all I'm dreamin' of I'll take your silence for an aye All your smiles just sound like nayes Can you see how my head Is messed up/ And how this is all your fault? There...

Photo by  Nathan Dumlao  on  Unsplash An old classmate messaged me the minute I sent her a friend request, and that was pretty unusual. Perhaps it shouldn't be, but it was. I came across her profile when a bunch of pictures were uploaded, featuring other old classmates who are on my friend list, and who were celebrating the engagement of an old classmate. I wasn't particularly surprised by the engagement (also unusual), but this was because I'd been told about it in advance.  And then I wondered who this D.M. was, who had uploaded the pictures. I certainly did not know any D.M. The profile picture wasn't clear, but as I went through the pictures and noted that D.S. was in them, the dreadful truth began to dawn on me. I went to her profile to see whether my suspicions were true, and realized I wasn't even friends with her on Facebook. I sent her a request that she immediately accepted, and thus we come full circle to how I came to be speaking to her....