Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Photo by David Kaloczi on Unsplash Written July 19, 2012 And again each time I feel that gaze I'll know and remember A tainted sky The perverse lovers That graced its walls I'll know and remember The way you looked And then the way You looked away I'll know and remember Shards of pain Starb urst inside me Every time I draw a breath/ Shaky  Like glass figurines in the dark/ Eager  To play/ To dance On the brink Of a chaotic world A while since you've been gone Your face lingering In the days we avoid/ Glaring  At forbidden corners of the world Tendrils that reach out at night I'll know and remember Covering my thoughts In a blanket of you Walking down a path covered  In snow that tucks itself  In behind my foot steps and  We're almost at the bridge Over it even as we speak I'll know and remember Turning back for one last look Before I bend down/ And set My light to inflammable footsteps of snow I'd walk away As thou...

So many things to talk about in the coming month. Inspiration. Determination. Love, and associated imagery which I never tire of. Silence, Dreams and Fears. Things I did, and will do... and would want to keep doing forever.

And so we move forward in grudging stalemate, my sense of body image and I. Maybe later, I tell it. And it grumbles acquiescence because I've trained it to metabolize self-hate in shorter and shorter amounts of time.

Upholding of patriarchal values requires, as an essential component, that the victims be brainwashed into the system. When met with consistent and simple rejection of their values, coupled with the fact that the people rejecting their values do not depend on them in the least, their world fails around their ears.

He was sweet, and had the cutest smile in the world. It was unbelievable, the way his smile used to light up my world. I used to think about him a lot, and wonder why he never made a move. Because our eyes always said it all.

Written November 16, 2010 Another night with insomnia keeping me company. That and the comfort music thumping a pattern into my addled brain cells. It's funny how Facebook and sleeplessness do these things to you, but I find my thoughts slipping into places they hadn't been to in awhile. I don't really know why I'm surprised, but I've tried to move on. No, really. But I guess I can't kid myself for long. Those things I try to forget, the memories that lie in wait in that locked room, aren't going nowhere. And besides, I did promise. I promised myself that I'd go back there, and pull the covers off, and maybe even do a little bit of dusting. Mostly, I think all I want to do is just sit and bask in the atmosphere of a world I never wanted to leave. Maybe those of you out there who still have what I could never have don't really see the point to it. Maybe you guys don't understand why I flinch every time someone comes out with that ...

Slow insidious ripples snaking  Up through the shadow-side m oonlit  A conspiracy to destabilize It's a motherfucking coup d'etat I breathe, I swallow, I heave, I retch  No brittle chokehold this  Pulverizing inwards  A merciless motherfucking coup d'etat  Blinding pain, a bubble expanding  Time slowing down as a virus takes my brain  Takes my pain, takes me away  All that's left is the coup d'etat  What is that noise?  An army thousand strong  Trembling the ground beneath Their march to this fucking coup d'etat  The battle lasts forever  An afternoon and a day/  The air  In my lungs all expelled in service  To this motherfucking coup d'etat In the end the ashes reign  Silence claws its foothold back  There are no winners here  In this motherfucking coup d'etat