Tyme

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I want 
My safe spaces back
Photo by Mary Cherkesova


And no, I didn't quite realise just how much of a help it was until it went away. 
To know that someone would have my back. 
Until they didn't anymore. 
I don't want toxicity but I did think that engaging from a place of safety would be enough. 
I guess there was always more behind the scenes 
There was always more than what came from their lips 
There was always more than what their body language showed me
And it feels silly because nothing is quite as black and white as I'd like it to be
It feels silly to even write these words because these aren't perfect words
They aren't perfect thoughts. 
And I can't write if I'm always trying to be perfect
I can't write if I'm always trying to be the best 
I can't meet the expectations of SEO or Google or whatever dead god oversees blog posts anymore 
I'm me and I'm fairly crap at things and fairly good at things and those two states tend to overlap and alternate and evolve in squiggly wriggly ways I can't put my finger on
And that
Is f I n e.
It has to be. 

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