Crawling 🐢🐌

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I get angrier at myself for being depressed when things are going well than I do for when things are going up in flames. The more reasons to feel happy the are the more I feel obligated to be happy.

And I know that's unfair of me because depression doesn't exactly give me a say in these things. But it is a very difficult responds to unlearn.

Watching Petra struggle with postpartum depression on Jane the virgin has allowed me to unlock an even deeper level of empathy. (And fresh hate for Tom Cruise and all men like him who use their pedestal to propagate hateful and potentially damaging bullshit.)

I still can't figure out why the Jane the virgin poster features a girl child though, and I'm two seasons in.

I have been doing nanowrimo this year, and it has finally been working for me after so many years. I am reminded of when I started work on my first novel, back in 2013. I used to write on paper back then, although right now that feels like double the work.

And Nano has been a struggle despite the fact that the words are flowing and the plot progressing.

The culprit is clear enough. (Hello, depression.) And I don't think I have ever resented it as much as I do when it gets in the way of writing. I feel like I'm inching forward, but on the bright side, I'm getting an average of 3000 words in per day, and have already crossed the 21000-word mark.

Happy Diwali, folks.
🎆🎇🎉🎊

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