Dating A Literal Psychopath

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"When the brain perceives contact as possible, every houris too long. That is the state of enslavement. The state in which the prospect of intoxication takes over the organism.” - Lena Andersson, Wilful Disregard 

Dating A Literal Psychopath

When a friend of mine declared that she had met her soulmate, the male version of her, red flags immediately went up for me. This was in no small part due to the fact that she herself is pretty problematic, and anyone who is a male version of her is bound to be way worse. My assessment of her statement wasn't helped by the fact that her declaration came after a single (5-day long) date. 

Skeletons began tumbling out of the closet not long after. Mr. Perfect would neglect to call or text her for weeks, citing "work," even though his primary occupation appeared to be involuntary confinement to his room or to rehab facilities for his alcoholism.

It then came out that he'd assaulted at least one ex-girlfriend. My friend hastened to reassure me that the assault was not the result of the ex-girlfriend cheating on him, but because said ex-girlfriend tried to be playful and get him to forgive her afterward. This fact had somehow registered in my friend's brain as a mitigation of the assault.

The story got worse when she mentioned that his father, a controlling and dominating figure in this 30-something-year-old man's life, was a therapist who was treating all of Mr. Perfect's ex-girlfriends. Apparently, my friend was expected to be his latest client. 🧐When, at my urging, she declined the father's kind offer, he turned extremely cold and refused to interact with her or encourage her relationship with his son in any way. 

Eventually, she mentioned that Mr. Perfect had been diagnosed with Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD). Now, Google (Google!) told me that this was the medical term for a psychopath. I've seen some of the messaging around how psychopaths get a bad rap, especially since we keep using the word as an attack. I understand on at least a superficial level, that a psychopath should be given a basic level of understandingness, and not be met with immediate aversion.

However. As far as I'm concerned, this applies to ethical and self-aware psychopaths. The ones who are open about their behaviours, and follow an ethical or moral code that they've created for themselves to compensate for the fact that they do not feel innate empathy. A man who uses the ASPD diagnosis as a shield while slinging crap at other people and justifying assault - or, as in one memorable case - threatening me specifically, because I told my friend he wasn't treating her well, is not a man I need to waste my emotional bandwidth on. 

My friend was less than happy about how unsupportive I was being. She accused me of being judgmental about his diagnosis, and didn't seem to mind much that her prince charming thought nothing of threatening me.

I wish I could say this story had a happy ending - that the heavens opened up and sent a miracle, and the psychopath mended his ways. I wish I could say that my friend saw sense and walked away. 

The fact is, I haven't the slightest idea what happened, because I walked away. And now, months later, my only regret is that I stuck around this situation for as long as I did. 

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