What You Know About Depression Is Wrong. Here's Why.
I recently wrote about the actual experience of going through a mental health crisis. It included everything from suicidal ideation and self-harm to self-medicating with alcohol. And, unlike the mental health crises that many people often go through, it lasted only a day.
And even that one day felt like forever.
Saying the wrong thing to someone going through a mental health crisis can worsen their condition. You might actually push them into an extreme step.
To someone in crisis, time is meaningless. "Future", "Accomplishments" and "Loved Ones" are all meaningless concepts. What's happening in someone else's life is irrelevant.
When even breathing takes effort, "positive thoughts" are impossible. Out of reach, and out of sight.
Think twice before you say, "I'm always here if you need to talk." Because you're not. You cannot always be there for someone. It is physically, emotionally, and logistically impossible. In fact, you might not even check a message or respond immediately.
Maybe you don't see it that way. Maybe you're thinking that if someone were to reach out to you in obvious suffering, you wouldn't ignore them. After all, most of us have some basic element of empathy in our emotional makeup.
But here's the thing. Very few people are going to come out and tell you that they're in crisis. Reaching out is the most incredibly difficult thing a person can possibly do at that time.
Because at that moment, a million thoughts are colliding inside their head, through a thick cloud of agony.
And even if someone does reach out, they're going to say "Hey." They're going to make small talk as they feel you out. They're trying to see if it's safe to talk to you about what's bothering them. More often than not, you're going to say something at this stage that puts them off completely.
And that's not your fault. You and they are at completely different places mentally. There is no way you can know what's going on in their mind.
Chances are, there have already been plenty of times in your life where someone has tried to reach out. You just didn't know it.
So What Can You Do?
Educate Yourself:
Before rushing to post "reach out to me any time," actually read up on depression. Not just the medical perspective, but personal accounts of people who go through this on a daily basis.
Spread Awareness:
Share what you learn, so that others learn too. Talk about it on-and-off, and not just when someone high profile dies by suicide. Talk to your friends and family about it. Remove their misconceptions
Share Resources:
Do you know a good doctor or therapist? Let your friends and family know. Have you found a good app or website that is genuinely helpful? Spread the word.
Look for Clues:
Don't wait for someone to tell you they're struggling. Keep in mind the difficult things that have happened to your friends, and ask yourself whether they might be affected in some way or another. See if their behaviour lines up with common symptoms or difficult events in their life. Speak to them from this perspective so you don't accidentally say something insensitive.
Learn What to Say, then Say it:
Remove language that blames sufferers from your vocabulary. Avoid toxic positivity. Learn what works for your friends, and then say it to them.
There's no shame in not knowing, but it's pretty messed up if you aren't reading and trying to learn more all the time. Depression affects 1 in 5 people, which means you definitely know a lot of people who suffer from it. Making the effort to learn how you can help goes a long way.
And even that one day felt like forever.
Saying the wrong thing to someone going through a mental health crisis can worsen their condition.I'm talking about this because there's a lot of misconception about what mental illness is. People who haven't experienced it still don't truly understand what it feels like. They keep saying the wrong things and try to push toxic positivity on someone who's suffering.
To someone in crisis, time is meaningless. "Future", "Accomplishments" and "Loved Ones" are all meaningless concepts. What's happening in someone else's life is irrelevant.
When even breathing takes effort, "positive thoughts" are impossible. Out of reach, and out of sight.
Maybe you don't see it that way. Maybe you're thinking that if someone were to reach out to you in obvious suffering, you wouldn't ignore them. After all, most of us have some basic element of empathy in our emotional makeup.
But here's the thing. Very few people are going to come out and tell you that they're in crisis. Reaching out is the most incredibly difficult thing a person can possibly do at that time.
Because at that moment, a million thoughts are colliding inside their head, through a thick cloud of agony.
- Insecurities and low self-esteem. ("I'm nothing. I suck.")
- Not wanting to be a burden to someone else ("They have their own problems to deal with.")
- Feeling that reaching out is going to make you dislike them. ("I'm going to sound whiny or attention-seeking if I say this.")
- Not being able to see a point to reaching out. ("It's not like they can solve anything for me.")
And even if someone does reach out, they're going to say "Hey." They're going to make small talk as they feel you out. They're trying to see if it's safe to talk to you about what's bothering them. More often than not, you're going to say something at this stage that puts them off completely.
And that's not your fault. You and they are at completely different places mentally. There is no way you can know what's going on in their mind.
Chances are, there have already been plenty of times in your life where someone has tried to reach out. You just didn't know it.
Stop offering help when it's not in your bandwidth.
So What Can You Do?
Educate Yourself:
Before rushing to post "reach out to me any time," actually read up on depression. Not just the medical perspective, but personal accounts of people who go through this on a daily basis.
Spread Awareness:
Share what you learn, so that others learn too. Talk about it on-and-off, and not just when someone high profile dies by suicide. Talk to your friends and family about it. Remove their misconceptions
Share Resources:
Do you know a good doctor or therapist? Let your friends and family know. Have you found a good app or website that is genuinely helpful? Spread the word.
Look for Clues:
Don't wait for someone to tell you they're struggling. Keep in mind the difficult things that have happened to your friends, and ask yourself whether they might be affected in some way or another. See if their behaviour lines up with common symptoms or difficult events in their life. Speak to them from this perspective so you don't accidentally say something insensitive.
Learn What to Say, then Say it:
Remove language that blames sufferers from your vocabulary. Avoid toxic positivity. Learn what works for your friends, and then say it to them.
There's no shame in not knowing, but it's pretty messed up if you aren't reading and trying to learn more all the time. Depression affects 1 in 5 people, which means you definitely know a lot of people who suffer from it. Making the effort to learn how you can help goes a long way.
Comments
Post a Comment
Leave an opinion!