Throwback: Devastation

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I've often wondered about rock bottom. Would I know when I hit it?
The answer is no, because I seem to live there.I live where the pain was so ubiquitous I ignore it now. Where I don't have the energy to summon anger at my continued bad luck. I'm too scared and too tired to try again.

I just sit. I spend money. I wait.

Wait for what?

When I told my friends I lost my job, one of them came home. The other directed me to write some samples and apply to a job I'd probably enjoy. They carefully observed me and then decided I was probably going to be okay.

I wasn't. I knew that. But there was no point in telling them that. They had enough to worry about on their own.

I dream of a world where a kind stranger offers to give me 10 lakhs a month for services rendered - any services. If I was going to sell myself, I'd want to aim for the best life can offer.

Written September 30, 2017
NOTE: I have since revised my expectations. 2 lakh a month will do. 

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