Navigating Solutions and Darkness

Since my blog's offline anyway, I feel like maybe I can be less restrictive than I usually am, work out the answers to a couple of questions that have been bugging me for a long time. The most annoying of these questions is something I've been chucking under the "choice and cultural feminism is stupid and sucks" umbrella for a long time, but I need to know if I'm justified in thinking that way. "Respect homemaking and the choice to be a housewife." Why? 1. Homemaking is important and involves a lot of labour and we should respect and acknowledge that. We should acknowledge it, but I honestly don't feel like we should be respecting or encouraging such a choice. Now, people may agree with the not encouraging bit, while balking at the not respecting bit. Now there's no doubt that homemaking is an insane amount of work - menial physical, as well as emotional. The greater the number of family members, the worse it gets. And there is no pay. Even if on

Maybe I do have less than you after all 

  Panic and fear. Too many things. Floating along, lost, unguided. Feeling as though nobody else speaks my language. Feeling as though perhaps I do not speak their language. How can such stupidity make sense to everyone else? Did we not grow up speaking the same language? How are people so willing to be content with ignorance? What stops them from discovering the whole truth before making accusations? How do those accusations make sense? I am not calm. Why did she say I was? I have not changed. Why did she think I have. And if I have changed - is that a good thing? Among snakes like those, isn't it right to be angry, to be flame, to burn everything? No, telling me I am calm doesn't please me. I must be fury. I must be fire. I must destroy everything before it has the chance to destroy me. Panic and fear. Too many decisions. Fear. Fear. Fear. FEAR. I cannot survive. I cannot live. I wish for death. I wish I was dead. I wish everyone was. - Written June 2, 2017 Context Unknown 

  Reposted from Twitter user @AlnaouqA Watermark on image reads: Anas Al-Shareef Dated: Possibly January 2024 Location: Possibly Al Jabalia Refugee Camp, Gaza, Palestine  Crawl back into the shadows from whence we came  Every last achievement turn'd to ash and blood  Something somewhere laughs at what we have to say  Dancing puppets treading safeties / Giving sanity away  I'm alive! Look at me  Look at the things I carved  Out of flesh and blood my own  Out of spite and fury thine  I'm alive! A win, a victory snatched  From the jaws of life  I turn triumphantly into the silence to find The laughter of children silenced forever 

The self-doubt is crippling. 

"The only true form of freedom, the only ethical form of freedom, is through self-limitation. It's not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up." - Everything is Fucked by Mark Manson 

I've often wondered about rock bottom. Would I know when I hit it? The answer is no, because I seem to live there.