To My Babies 😘

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So I'm sitting here with Blogger open, eyeing the stats on the last post and thinking about writing something, while also watching Set It Up on Netflix (thank you, limited attention span...)

And I suddenly think about work and notice the time and there it goes again - that jolt in my stomach. After a panic attack that lasted a full day, there was bound to be a little left over, right? And I couldn't help it - I threw my head back  and yelped. Nothing scary, but I guess it sounded enough like a cat's growl of frustration. Because the next thing I know, Ventus is jumping from the dresser to my bed. I picked him up like he's a big, furry baby (which he is - my big furry baby), and I looked into his big yellow eyes, and just...

The way he looks at me, there's nothing like it in the whole wide world. The way he's only too happy to snuggle into my hugs, the way he licks my face, the way he blinks... There can never be too many kisses if they are for mommy. The kind of love he has for me, I've never encountered anything like it in my whole life.

There are no conditions to the love my cats give me. Early on the crisis months, I had a moment where I remember looking at them and thinking, "Even you will stop loving me." And, I mean, obviously, that was a dumb, dumb thought, and it knocked me a couple of steps back into sense land. But it still took a few weeks for the cat-associated panic to fade away. So, post traumatic thinking aside, there is no reason my cats will ever not love me. Even when they run away, they look for me. They know I'm coming to get them. They know I'll be there to fish them out of trouble.

And it scares me because I know there's trouble out there that I cannot protect them from. But that kind of faith, and that kind of confidence... What the hell did I ever do to deserve that?

Nothing, that's what. Because unlike human children, pets love you, and trust you, and come back to you. They'll put up with all your crap, forever. And as long as I have this kind of love, I know I'll never want for anything. I'm never alone, and my house is never empty. (Yeah, I mean, that does tend to run the electricity bills up a little high because I can't leave them without lights or a fan, but that's what happens when there are three people living in a house.)

And for that, and that reason alone, I'll never leave them. Never give them up. People who don't have pets, and people who can't connect to animals on that level, they'll never understand that feeling. That sense of... family.

The last time I wrote a love letter to a cat, it was after he passed away. I never thought to commemorate him while he was still alive, even though I loved him more than anything else. This time's different. Here's to Ventus and Neffie (and Neffie's impending bunch of babies). I love you all, and I'll protect you lot with my life if I ever have to. 😘

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